I read JOY UNEXPECTED and I sooooooooo feel what she feels in what she is feeling in regards to recently being diagnosed with something. My heart goes out to her in all her anger, tears, frustrations and pity parties. Okay I don’t think I’ve read about her having pity parties but I have/will have enough for the both of us.
I lived with diabetes all my life. Not me personally but a family full of diabetics. I can remember my dad, sitting at the kitchen table and pricking our fingers to test our glucose. I remember him whipping out the little sticks for us to pee on so he could test for protein. I remember watching him giving himself shots, standing at the kitchen counter. I also remember when my grandfather, his father, getting his toe amputated, then another, then his foot and then up to his shin and then finally his leg. I remember my grandmother, his mother having to get her toe amputated because she had developed an infection along with open sores and didn’t believe in going to the doctor. Her leg was eventually amputated. I remember a couple uncles and and an aunt coming to visit and having to leave early because they had dialysis’. So yes, diabetes is as common as the common cold in my family.
About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. Considering my history, I would more than likely draw the lucky card of diabetes so I started going for blood test every 6 months. The first year, I ate according to my diet and lost an AMAZING amount of weight. I did aerobics. I walked early in the morning did aerobics at lunch and then walked at night. I felt great. And then I got divorced and everything went downhill. I would still go in for my blood test and each time I got the clean bill of health (clean being according to my standards) I would say thank you and then…continue slowly killing myself. I no longer exercised but I had a lot of ‘stress movement’ as my doctor calls it which boils down to going from sun up to sun down in the quest to make my two sons happy. I made them happy to the sum of 230 pounds give or take a few pounds here and there. BY NO MEANS AM I BLAMING MY KIDS FOR MY PROBLEM WITH WIEGHT.
The past year or two has been crazy hectic. One son is on traveling basketball team so for about 9 months out of the year, we travel all over Missouri and Kansas. Pretty much every weekend we would be gone and then we add school teams in the mix. Add a dash of my other sons activities and then we have only Wednesday to relax and be at home. I sure in the hell wasn’t going to spend that time planning meals and/or exercising. Give us some kind of fast food, our pj’s and a bunch of movies and we were in for the evening. Every once in awhile I would feel sooooooo tired and thirsty. I gained weight by 10 pounds at a time. All signs and I knew they were signs but I just thought of my schedule and brush it off. finally, I couldn’t deal anymore so made my appointment and here we be….I am diabetic.
I fight bouts of being angry at myself because I knew that I could have controlled this earlier. Lots of things have been done in this field and diabetes is NOT always the outcome of hypoglycemia. IF you watch your weight, eat right and exercise. I did nothing. I DO blame me but I’m blaming me in order to take control over what should be my life but its been just a freefall into nothing.
Back to JOY UNEXPECTED in her blog she said its not about losing weight or fitting into a pair of jeans. Several people have asked how much weight I’ve lost, or what size I am and I’ve point blank told them I don’t know because its not about that for me. I couldn’t tell you those things because I have kept up with it. I’ve kept up with not having to drag my butt out of bed in the morning because I feel almost comatose. I’ve kept up with having energy again. I’ve kept up with seeing my kids smile and laugh with me more. Its about not being exhausted anymore. Its about feeling good again. Its about..helllllllllllllo jogging for the first time in a long time….wait a minute…I don’t think I’ve EVER jogged….anyway…. I know how it feels to just want to feel good again. Not skinny. Not beautiful. Or pretty. Just good. I havent felt good in awhile. And hopefully she will feel good all the time SOON.
I had to go to a nutrition class awhile back and decided not to follow the diet. I've done better just telling myself no. The couting and the adding...eh....it aint for me. I've never been good with math so just plain NO BREAD ( I miss you soooooo much), WHITE RICE ( the brown is so gritty) and SUGAR and POTATOES (good Lord, my mouth just watered). I've had pasta but very small portions and I was in heaven when I did. I"ve told my doctor this and she's going to see how it goes based on my numbers.
