Websites I surfed today....

*I can always tell when DOOCE has opened up her comments section…it is a bitch to log onto her site! I love the pictures of Chuck, well I love her photos of anything really. I go to her husband’s site as well….so I am an equal opportunity stalker.


*why am I loving this song and the way she sings it…neither is anything to really write home to mama about(no offense) …well unless you are a 14 year old boy or a horny perverted older guy… but I do love her makeup. And the way she says ’please’. Go on girl....


How does one forget to put on deodorant? Well, ima tell you….everybody and the dang dog clamoring for your attention from the moment you get up in the morning…that’s how. Two bathrooms in the house but why does everyone need to get into the one I’m in??? the cat wants a drink (and of course he wont drink out of his bowl, its GOT to be fresh running water out of the sink.), the dog wants to lick any droplet of moisture on the tub, one son has to brush his hair, and the other one has got to really GO NOW!!!. End result..never putting my arms in the air to wave ‘em like I just don’t care.


I have a friend in Chicago, (Paul) and I’ve been keeping up with all the reports of violence there. There was a report on CNN and I am just amazed at the comments. Had to share it with him.

I scrapbook. A lot. It is my comfort zone so I want a comfortable room. This is my goal for my basement. I WILL have it one day.

Miyagi does not like lawnmowers…bless his poor scaredy cat heart…

Grumpy Says....

Check her out here....ummm I don't know why I'm having trouble with this but here is her Grumpy's web page...http://grumpyfrump.blogspot.com/


1. I love how the birds sing in the morning. Reminds me that spring is here (despite being a high of 61 degree’s today.)

2. I wish that I made more time for me.

3. I know that I am deeply loved by my family and friends. And that’s pretty cool.

4. I appreciate my life more and more every day.

5. I want to make some changes in my life, but I'm afraid I'm becoming complacent. (ditto on this)

Code Red

*My son cried harder than I've seen him cry since he was little. Loud sobs, snot and tears. He came in tonight after walking his girlfriend home and asked if he could walk her home every night this week after school. I told him

'what have i said?? no hanging out every night after school.'

He looked at me with these huge ERNEST eyes and said

'but mom, she's might be moving'

Which I knew...I knew she was going to Kansas City the first month school was out BUT she would be back.

'no. mom she might be moving for GOOD.'

And with that he gave a nervous laugh and seriously said

'mom...I'm going to tell you something.....I"m in love with her'

'Sweetie, I know you are in love with her...I KNOW.'

And my 14 year old sat at the table with his head buried in my chest and cried and sobbed like his world was ending. His world WAS ending. I said

'mommie knows how you feel...I"m not playing with you. I know you hurt.'

And he sobbed some more so we talked, he cried, we talked....he cried and then he said

'I cant live with her in Holt Summit'.....

Pump the breaks. Holt Summit. Not Kansas City. Kansas City is like 2 1/2 hours away. Holt Summit....10 -15 miles TOPS!!!!! I gently told him

'Honey, that's not that bad...that's still close.'

'But its not HERE........

I get it. I understand the first real 'love' of your live and how everything is so intense and so sweet and its like your life will forever be tied to this one person. I remember at the age of 16, my love Romeo (David) had come back from boot camp and got his orders to go to Germany and he was going to be gone for 14 months and we had these plans for a beautiful night in a lovely hotel (highway motel DIVE). When my parents got wind of it I wasn't allowed to even go to the bathroom alone, let alone spend the night with a friend (yeah, I tried it all) or anything else. I remember screaming at my mom

'I WILL NEVVVVVVVVVVVVVVER LOVE THIS WAY AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

ummm yeah. :-/ dramatic a little you say.......

I'm not making fun. Really I'm not. There's a part of me that loves to see this side of him. This side that lets me know that he does know how to treat a lady. He does know how to respect someone. And he does know how to be in a 'relationship.' BUT there's another side of me...This side has....

Called her mom to talk to her because in all honesty....I dont feel safe with them being alone. Desperate times call for desperate measure...(See seedy dive motel above)....I know that I am always aware of them when they are here...either outside or watching a movie right here in front of me when I"m scrapbooking, but I DO have rules for him when he goes over there. He is NOT to go over there when her parents are not home. We are at a hieghtened status of alert. Code RED, if you may. He will not be her Romeo to her Juliet.

* Big Brother....you disappoint me AGAIN. Adam. ADAM? Cmon...ADAM! urgh. And what is UP with America not giving the single mom the $25 g's??? Yes, more people have seen her whoha then people have memory of their whoha but ....peeeeeeeeeeople she's a single mom. Urgh. No Big Brother 10 for me. You ARE the weakest link....

Wrong show.

I’ve been cutting out carbs for pretty much 7 weeks now. Really the carbs I’ve cut out are sugar, bread and pasta. Give or take a couple times, I haven’t had them for awhile. Except…this weekend. Do you know how hard it is to say no too a cold pasta salad? Or grilled veggies on a grilled bun? Urgh….this summer is going to be hard. Grilled bread calls my name…LOUDLY!

I also haven’t had an alcoholic beverage in a long time. This is not because of diabetes but just a choice. I keep alcohol in my house for friends and family for when they come over but other than that, I don’t pertake. But the couple of drinks I had the night before made me feel very sluggish all day Sunday. So mix the beverages along with the wrong food and I make a lovely friendly picture for Sunday.

My oldest son drug me out of the house Sunday to get his girlfriend a present. He at first wanted to spend $50 bucks…ummm NO. Unless she has your last name, she’s a $20 gift. He used his own money, $20 his dad just gave him for strait A’s (and one B) so we didn’t have to run to the bank. He at first wanted to give her something with his initial on it…sounded to much like ownership there so I diverted him to something else. Which really, we found a really pretty feminine earring/necklace set. Very age appropriate. Kinda proud of the kid.

Hey...unless you havent heard...Stimulus deposits/checks are to happen today. What are you going to do with your package...well, not your package but your package....good grief.

Like the Tree I'm So Trying to Bloom...(saying this in my best Shakespearen-Southern voice)

I read JOY UNEXPECTED and I sooooooooo feel what she feels in what she is feeling in regards to recently being diagnosed with something. My heart goes out to her in all her anger, tears, frustrations and pity parties. Okay I don’t think I’ve read about her having pity parties but I have/will have enough for the both of us.

I lived with diabetes all my life. Not me personally but a family full of diabetics. I can remember my dad, sitting at the kitchen table and pricking our fingers to test our glucose. I remember him whipping out the little sticks for us to pee on so he could test for protein. I remember watching him giving himself shots, standing at the kitchen counter. I also remember when my grandfather, his father, getting his toe amputated, then another, then his foot and then up to his shin and then finally his leg. I remember my grandmother, his mother having to get her toe amputated because she had developed an infection along with open sores and didn’t believe in going to the doctor. Her leg was eventually amputated. I remember a couple uncles and and an aunt coming to visit and having to leave early because they had dialysis’. So yes, diabetes is as common as the common cold in my family.

About 6 years ago I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia. Considering my history, I would more than likely draw the lucky card of diabetes so I started going for blood test every 6 months. The first year, I ate according to my diet and lost an AMAZING amount of weight. I did aerobics. I walked early in the morning did aerobics at lunch and then walked at night. I felt great. And then I got divorced and everything went downhill. I would still go in for my blood test and each time I got the clean bill of health (clean being according to my standards) I would say thank you and then…continue slowly killing myself. I no longer exercised but I had a lot of ‘stress movement’ as my doctor calls it which boils down to going from sun up to sun down in the quest to make my two sons happy. I made them happy to the sum of 230 pounds give or take a few pounds here and there. BY NO MEANS AM I BLAMING MY KIDS FOR MY PROBLEM WITH WIEGHT.

The past year or two has been crazy hectic. One son is on traveling basketball team so for about 9 months out of the year, we travel all over Missouri and Kansas. Pretty much every weekend we would be gone and then we add school teams in the mix. Add a dash of my other sons activities and then we have only Wednesday to relax and be at home. I sure in the hell wasn’t going to spend that time planning meals and/or exercising. Give us some kind of fast food, our pj’s and a bunch of movies and we were in for the evening. Every once in awhile I would feel sooooooo tired and thirsty. I gained weight by 10 pounds at a time. All signs and I knew they were signs but I just thought of my schedule and brush it off. finally, I couldn’t deal anymore so made my appointment and here we be….I am diabetic.

I fight bouts of being angry at myself because I knew that I could have controlled this earlier. Lots of things have been done in this field and diabetes is NOT always the outcome of hypoglycemia. IF you watch your weight, eat right and exercise. I did nothing. I DO blame me but I’m blaming me in order to take control over what should be my life but its been just a freefall into nothing.

Back to JOY UNEXPECTED in her blog she said its not about losing weight or fitting into a pair of jeans. Several people have asked how much weight I’ve lost, or what size I am and I’ve point blank told them I don’t know because its not about that for me. I couldn’t tell you those things because I have kept up with it. I’ve kept up with not having to drag my butt out of bed in the morning because I feel almost comatose. I’ve kept up with having energy again. I’ve kept up with seeing my kids smile and laugh with me more. Its about not being exhausted anymore. Its about feeling good again. Its about..helllllllllllllo jogging for the first time in a long time….wait a minute…I don’t think I’ve EVER jogged….anyway…. I know how it feels to just want to feel good again. Not skinny. Not beautiful. Or pretty. Just good. I havent felt good in awhile. And hopefully she will feel good all the time SOON.

I had to go to a nutrition class awhile back and decided not to follow the diet. I've done better just telling myself no. The couting and the adding...eh....it aint for me. I've never been good with math so just plain NO BREAD ( I miss you soooooo much), WHITE RICE ( the brown is so gritty) and SUGAR and POTATOES (good Lord, my mouth just watered). I've had pasta but very small portions and I was in heaven when I did. I"ve told my doctor this and she's going to see how it goes based on my numbers.

My feet hurt. So do my ankles. My shin isn’t feeling so good…well really, my body hurts. Last night, I didn’t want to watch NCIS and it had cooled down quite a bit so I decided to take Miyagi for another walk. When I said to him

‘lets go on a walk baby’

His butt begin to wiggle so much, I thought it was an earthquake. I mean he was really excited and jumpy so I commanded him to sit and he did but his whole lower half was just quivering. Anyway we did our basic walk but we always either go for an extended walk depending on which way he leads. I always give him the lead at this point because pretty much he follows the rules so well as we walk the neighborhood, its like a treat. Some days he turns toward home but last night he broke into a trot and went the opposite way from home. We had a quick stop because some dude wanted to comment on Miyagi which leads to other questions. I’m thinking, ummmm hello you DID just see us walking??? And Miyagi is giving that disinterested vibe and finally I say

‘nice chatting’

And I walk away (hey, I said ‘nice chatting’.) Miyagi does a couple squirts here and there and starts to pick up the pace. At first I pull him slightly so that he knows hey buddy….I’m 37 and about 60 pounds overweight…and he gives me this look like please ma please please please please and I do this insane thing…I start to run. Well, I start to jog..okay, brisk walking/run. Point is…my heart is definitely pumping faster than its used to pumping. Miyagi loved it! I don’t care what people say, this dog was grinning! And then, damn…my arches were burning so we stopped to walk again.

Miracles of all miracles, I did that several times last night and it felt great( the walking for a minute, then jog for a minute). Granted I’m not marathon material like http://keepyourreceipt.blogspot.com/ but I tell you what, it up lifted my spirits. I was laughing and talking to Miyagi, I felt really light and carefree. Breathing heavy, yes, but it felt pretty good until now.

Okay, PerfectlyShelly came to me today all a glow with information....

'Ya wanna know who gets voted off Big Brother?!'

Even though I knew she was busting at the seams to tell me I had to tell her no. She goes to some website and she gets the scoop before it happens so I knew she really would know but I'm the type that I snap at people when I"m watching a movie and then they nonchalantly say

'I cried when she died at the end.....'

WTF ( i know that's in cap's but I generally whisper it because I'm a punk..I say it but I whisper it...doesnt that count for something??)

Anyway....watched it and I must say that i am so shocked. If you've taped the show to watch it at a later date, please....STOP RIGHT HERE and dont read anymore.....okay now....GWLLJ got kicked out!!! I'm totally shocked. Sheila went around whinning and crying about being put on the block to EVERYONE, I do mean EVERY ONE. Adam tried to be all hard and call Shiela a bitch. GWLLJ finally showed some emotion when she went to Ryan about not trusting Adam and Shiela and Ryan said what he always says

'I dont know who to trust'.....really Ryan, you dont say???

Side bar: personally i think Shiela has a crush on Adam. Me thinks she doth protests to muchith over Adam and her disdain for him....you remember in elementary school when all the boys said you had cooties and they picked on you and years later they tell you how much they like you, same thing....again, I digress

Anyway, I must have missed something because I thought they had a power of veto match or competition and I thought whomever won it got to veto someone in or out or whatever but when I came back to the TV Adam was standing up saying that GWLLJ was his choice. How did that happen?? I'm really excited to see how this pan's out. Will testosterone rule in the Big Brother house?

Mundane Morning Ramblings...

It was 7:15 last night and I just had this feeling that I had forgotten something…where are the kids, check. Where is Ducky, check. Where is Miyagi, check. All and accounted for…hmmm what could it be?????????? By 7:30, I realized, Big Brother was on…oh snap! Miyagi whimpers as I rush to TV…( I think he was under the assumption that we were going for a run….LOL…whew… I make myself laugh). I missed the last show so I did a jig to see Nasal Voice Natalie walking out…don’t know why that girl got on my nerves but get on them she did. So know its down to Ryan, Adam, Girl-who-looks-like Jennifer (I can’t remember her name but she looks like a friend named, well, Jennifer) and Sheila. It amazes how people have not recognized the power that GWLLJ has…I mean C’MON PEOPLE!!!! How many times has she been put up on the block and NOT been evicted???? GEESCH…

This show continues to amaze me. During the broadcast they announced the next season and I thought about if I could REALLY do it. I’m with Sheila in the being away from my kids for that long of period of time. To not have contact. That would make me go looney. Then there is the fact that I alienate myself sometimes. I draw people in pretty easy and quick and then…nothing. I make great first impressions but once you get to know me and me oddness, you begin to think twice about knowing me or trying to know me. you might even runnnnnnnnn from me. I wouldn’t be able to make alliances because my whole rule of thumb is if you don’t like me, wellllllllllllll….whats wrong with you??? It aint my problem. Man this is making me sound evil….onto a better subject.
SPRING HAS SPRUNG! Now comes the struggle of keeping my butt at work. I get spring fever so bad. I hear the birds chirp early in the morning and I feel like taking off. Today its going to be a high of 72 degree’s and I feel a cough coming on…cough cough cough…I sound really sick don’t I???? I need to go home

My Neighborhood Watches U....

About a month ago, I found out that there has been a lot of vandalism, burglaries and bullying going on in neighborhood. Shocked the crap out of me. Supposedly its gotten out of hand in the past six months…out of hand enough to start up a Neighborhood Watch program and therefore, my neighborhood had a kick-off meeting last night.

My eyes were opened to a lot last night. As I stated, I am not trying to be naïve but I find it so hard to believe that we, in my small little cloistered town trying hard to be a city, has ‘gangs’ or kids as young as 10, breaking into houses, cussing out parents/adults, and even going as far as cussing out the sheriff’s. My town is, what I think, the perfect place to start and raise a family. For single people with no kids, ummmm it could be a nightmare.

Person after person stood up with horrifying story one after another. I found myself wondering where the hell are the parents of this kids??? And then I got my answer…

Some of the people that were at the meeting were the parents of the truants. They know their kids are doing wrong, they’ve called juvenile officers, police and sheriff personel and still…nothing is done. What can they do because they can’t control their kid. I am slack jawed open mouth amazed….

WHO CANT CONTROL THEIR KID??? And I preceded to voice that statement out loud.

I have a pretty close relationship with my kids AND their friends. I have no problem snatching my child and ‘your’ child if they are doing something wrong or out of line. And if you see my child acting up, you have that right too. I am of that mindset of it DOES take a village to raise a child.

In any case, parts of the meeting were aired on TV and several people said they seen me on the news and one lady asked what I was so animated about and I explained the whole ‘not being able to control my kid’ phenomenon and I didn’t get it when I noticed she had tears in her eyes. I suddenly remembered tidbits about her having trouble with her son but I didn’t know all the details but I knew I had hit a very tender spot. But could I stop??? Nooooo. I can be abrasive but I am also a softy and I do not know how to handle this side of my personality so my mouth had a mind of its own and before I knew it she was compelled to tell me how she couldnt control her son, and the hard years they had had. She did this with her voice cracking and tears in her eyes. I ended up apoloziing and feeling like a complete jerk. Next time I will keep my mouth shut. I digress…

Back to the Watch meeting. They are asking for us to be more viligant in our neighborhood in being aware of what is happening in our neighborhood. Writing down license plates, taking pictures, videos, camera phones, etc. These were examples but I’m afraid, my neighbors might become viligant in a bad way…like with guns, cross bows, and fist. I believe you have a right to protect you and yours but people who have gotten sued in their efforts to protect themselves. So…it’s a damned if you do or don’t kind of consequence. PLEASE DONT THINK I'M SAYING THAT MY NEIGHBORS ARE GOING OUT HUNTING JUVENILES!!!!

My other problem is that my kids walk a lot in our neighborhood. We live outside city limits so there isn’t a lot for them to do except go to each others houses. Usually there is at least 3 of them at a time walking and just because they are walking, I worry that they will be stopped or questioned simply because they are junior high boys in a group. And I aint having too much of that. if you knew my kids and their closest friends, you are talking about, cute, A & B students, and jocks. Not saying they cant get into trouble but THIS kind of trouble…ummm, no.

In any case, the mediator of the meeting said that she was looking for people to hold positions in the program and right now, I cant see doing that. I don’t mind being in the neighborhood, talking to people and snatching a few kids if I have to but holding a position, I just don’t have the time ( I cringe at how that sounds). Its one of those ‘dont bitch about the President if you don’t vote’ moments.

A few things I'm Grateful for...

…for the fact that God still feels that I have work do. I mean, lets be honest, I screwed up a lot today and the fact that He hasn’t called me home…makes me think He has a lot of faith in me. Or is it He has a lot of faith in Him??? Because obviously, He knows every thought, action, word, I have before I ever even think it or do it so He must already know what a mess I have the possibility of making of something and then He must know that He is going to have to correct it and then that means that He is going to have to do more work and….

See, for this very reason alone (this mindless chatter) this is why I don’t speak out a lot.

…for my perfect imperfect privileged underprivileged boys. My God, I love these boys. I didn’t think it would be possible to love somebody or someone as much. From the smile Jalil wakes up with to the deep sensitivity that Okoye already displays that are a Godsend to me.

… can I be frank here??? Looking down at my keyboard it hit me how grateful I am for my boobs. I really like them. Mainly because I do not have a booty and I have to have something physically attractive about me and since these are not readily available for your sight, I’m just going to put it out there.

….coffee. I raise my mug to you.

Urgh…I hate being in these moods. This mood of at once feeling like I need to have a flowing cape and can leap tall buildings in a single bound…and then just as quickly feeling like I want to curl up into the fetal position on my couch and scream for my green blankie. It is 7:30am and I don’t do mornings very well so maybe it will get better after 11ish.

Urgh…..it’s 11ish and it aint no better.

It’s a little better now…its almost 2 and I’ve stopped grunting at people and using my actual words, which is always a good thing

Well, its 10 and I'm much better now but then again my day is pretty much over. I have been consumed with Big Brother. Don't ask me why or even what the big deal is. Millions of people watch Big Brother. I"m not a big tv watcher let alone a big reality tv watcher.

I've tried to watch reality shows...I watch them for a couple of shows and then....eh.....I lose interest but this season, year, whatever...I"m in it. This season has me coming back for more all the time....I only watch it to argue with the tv. Soon as I hear 'I trust her' I want to smack someone. Or everytime I hear 'its just the game' I want to shove my foot up someone's butt. This whole show is about trying to win $500,000. Do these people really think they've made lifetime friends in 2 months with that much money at stake??? Do they really think they are safe this week, next week or any other week? It just boggles my mind.

To Carb or Not to Carb

I went for my nutrition class on Thursday. It really was informative. My doctor had told me to go into this like I have never heard anything about diabetes. That I hadnt lived with my father being diabetic all my life. That his parents had it all my life and both of them died from diabetic complications. That 5 brothers and 1 sister had diabetes. Yeah. Kinda hard.

But it was good. At the time. I was really excited to find out my combination in foods that help out me break down the carb's. I had totally given up bread. Sugar. Some pasta and switched completed to brown rice. I was grouchy but excepting my dire fate of living a life without bread. Sugar. Pasta. Rice. But now...

I am allowed to have 3 carbs at each meal. Counting carbs or really counting ANYTHING is not for me. I was so excited with the possiblities of having them again IN MODERATION that I forgot how I am. Doing without the temptation, I'm fine but teasing me with a little....makes me miserable. Have you looked at serving sizes??? A serving size portion of say, pasta, is half a cup. HALF A FREAKIN' CUP!!!!!

I"m serious folks. I do better with having nothing. I've been a little down with my diagnosis but over all living without carbs has made me...ummmm awake. I'm not sluggish. So dare I say bunk what the doctor's say...I'm going to do what has worked with me???

A Day in the Life

A day in the life of My Life has its ups and downs
but pretty much...its good. Very good when I have 2 of the best kids a mama can have. I love my two sons Okoye and Jalil and most times they bring the sun to my sunshine. Dont get me wrong....they CAN WILL and DO work my last nerve.




I don't mind being known as the cool mom...especially when the kids are still scared of me. Most of my kids friends come around A LOT and most times I treat them like one of my own. I yell at them when they are doing wrong, I love on them when I can tell they've had a bad day, and I cheer them on like I am their own personal cheerleading squad.

On any given day...my back yard can look like this....kids playing, having fun. I love to watch them. For some, this brief moment was the only fun they had but I feel really good they had it at my home.

I want them to not just laugh but to feel laughter.

Aint that what childhood is all about?

Todays etiquette rules for the workplace.....

Simple rules, trust me.

*I get it that women will talk as they walk into the restroom and CONTINUE talking even though they may be 5 stalls down. I'm not a stall talker over all but when talking about what Henry did to the ‘fridge is different than talking about how Henry makes your nether regions hot. Shells (you call her Perfectly Shelly) and I can be Chatty Cathy’s most of the time but once we enter the sanctity of the porcelain god’s…silence. Well…. but that maybe because we are talking about people and they might be behind stall door number 2.


*If you go into someone’s cubicle and they are on the phone…do NOT plop your booty down to wait it out. Privacy is a big issue….being irritating EVEN bigger.

*Don’t lean over my plate of food and say ‘smells good’. No explanation needed.

*There has GOT to be rules for elevators:
A: Don’t plow me down in your quest to get on while I’m getting off.
B: Don’t listen to the convo going on in the corner if the people are talking quietly….that means ummmm its private.

*STOP CLANKING YOUR SPOON ON YOUR COFFEE MUG!

*If you have to say 'I'm an intelligent man' seven times in one 10 minute conversation...I have to wonder which one of us you are trying to convince. STOP SAYING IT.

Miyagi

While walking my puppy tonight, several neighbors said hello, some switched to the other side of the road but two kids stuck out to me. One little girl, whose probably about 7 or 8 and is the tiniest little thing I've ever seen, yelled from across the street

'Can I pet your dog?'

Totally surprised me because she could have actually climbed onto his back and rode him, and most ADULTS are scared of him. I asked her parents if it was okay, once I got their okay, I crossed over to their side of the road and wrapped his leash tighter around my hand. He is still a puppy and its not that he would bite but he would lick her and I'm sure, knock her down with his huge head alone, in his quest to be rubbed ....She stuck one finger out ( you have to let them smell you first, she told me) and Miyagi's butt started to wiggle with excitment. I commanded him to sit because I could tell he had found a friend who he just wanted to love on but I knew her parents wouldn't understand that love when all 72 pounds of him jumped on her to lick her face. It was all quite amazing to see this little bitty girl up next to my beast and not be afraid at all.

The other kid was a teenage boy who, once he spotted us, slowed his bike down. Did he want to trust that I could control the dog or did he just want to go the other way???? Decisions Decisions Decisions. He decided to trust me but once he got closer he went into a driveway and waited. Once we got closer he yelled

'does your dog bite???'

'only if you mess with me'...I know, I shouldnt have fed into the stereotype of Rottweilers but this kid creeped me out and the fact Miyagi didn't want to go to him....really creeped me out.

'yeah...rotts are vicious.'

Well I can't very well let that be thought of so I had to educate him on the breed but I still wanted him to know, you mess with ANY dog's family, they will protect. hint hint hint.

This is my testing kit...this is my life now...or at least part of it. It was one of those things of knowing I would eventually become diabetic but I still did nothing about it. Why do people do that??? I knew a guy who had 2 surgeries due to throat cancer and he still smoke. My dad, his mother and father passed due to complications from diabetes and he still was a smoker and a heavy drinker. And here I sat..hypoglycemic for 5-6 years and I still don't do what I'm suppossed to do...

I need to be shot.

I'm finally used to the finger pricks but I swear to myself that I will not do insulin shot. Nosiree...not for the kid. Its funny that since I've been diagnosed, and I have to test my levels at least 3 times a day...I now know why I feel like a slug at certain times...why I wake up and literally have to drag my head off the pillow. I am feeling better physically now...better than I've felt in a long time. Could it be mind over matter?

I'm here....now what??

I went back and forth on doing this thing here and now that I'm here...I have NO clue what to write about...I'm a contridiction in ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so many ways...

I am a contradiction in so many ways...some think its cute, others think its irritating...even down right BS...that I ride the fence so to speak....

I hate it when I hear women refer to themsleves or their friends as a bitch, hoe, slut, whatever...but I love love love me some Tupac or certain rap music. I swear...I could have changed that man into a law abiding man.

I love love and all it entails and consumes yet, I will not admit or allow myself to love. at least not easily.its usually a feet set, kicking and screaming issue.

i am very independent yet when i am with someone, i love to take care of him, be there for him and do what i can for him.almost obsessive borderline stalking...

I love to be alone but i need people. at least certain people.

I believe that you need to stand up for YOU and what you believe in but if it conflicts with what i believe in...ummm okay, i hate to say it like this but...we will have to get around to your issues later...

I hate to cry but will make myself cry to get past an emotional constipation...

I love to handle my business without a mans help but I love a man to offer to treat me like the lady i am.

i think its a waste of money to have manicures and pedicures but i havent washed my own hair in about 5 years.

I stay on my boys to be independent and that they can do for themselves yet without thinking, tell them to give me their foot so i can tie their shoe string tighter.

I will tell my nieces that they dont need any man yet plan like mad to spend time with one

This is just the tip of the irrational iceberg we call me...which boils down to, i am illogical. i make NO sense what so ever. But to me..it all makes perfect sense. i keep telling myself that, everyone is like this but i'm begining to think, i'm in this boat all alone. its no wonder people, certain people shake their head, as they walk away.