As a mother...I get it.  I get it that when we have kids...we raise them to be independent, self - sufficient, humane adults.  We love them with all our heart.  We protect them.  We encourage them.  We support them. 

and we also feel their pain with them

The moment finally came.  That moment all mother's dread...when their child's heart is broken.  For us, it wasnt a girl that broke his heart but basketball.  Tryouts were this week and he did not make the team.

I knew this time would come.  With Jalil and his disabilities, learning the plays and being reactive on a split second decision,  I knew eventually, he would not be picked.  I prepared for it..at least I thought I did.

I wasnt.

I go from being hurt to totally pissed.

Hurt because my son walked out of the gym, sobbing.  He couldnt understand WHY.  He ran hard.  Never complained.  Never stopped.   Made his layups, did his drills  and blocked like nobodies business.  But he still didnt get picked...didnt make the cut.  Was not WANTED.  Jalil KNOWS his limitations.  He knows that he has to work harder than most to get the siimpliest things.  He does extra credit just to keep his grades up.  He concentrates and stays focused on the task at hand so as not to miss anything.  We have worked hard so that he knows this things...and tries to compensate for them.

but it doesnt always work out for the best.

I'm totally pissed because...these are the same coaches that have worked with Jalil over the past 8 years.  They KNOW what his limitations are BUT they also know how to compensate for him.  They've adjusted for him....they've gotten aggravated (mama's can tell) but they've adjusted because he's good.  I get IT that sports are not about compensating or adjusting. I get it.

Doesnt stop me from wanting to go Terminator Mamma on all on 'em.

Fall is really struggling to decide what she wants to do...

Here lately, we've  were in the 50's and I had to turn on my heat....

A few days later....we had humidity and strong winds.  Tornado type weather...

And no this week...it's a balmy 87 degree's...

Gotta love Missouri weather...

'HEY.....Take my picture!!!'

I had walked by a group of boys....camera slung around my neck, head up, looking around  ( not in confidence, mind you, but in the act of trying to 'see' what was in the world to  capture).  I glanced back and one boy...the one with the cigerette in his 15 year old hand....said it again...

'take my picture!!!'

I walked back to him, holding on to my camera strap...once I got in front of him I asked him WHY I should his picture and he gave me the cutest childish grin and said

'cause I'm gonna be famous!'

He was obviously the leader.  I started snapping pictures and once he realized that I was he quickly started organizing the others...'hey man...get here.'  'No...you get down there'...'right here'.  As he did all this  I snapped.  Snapped.  Snapped...and snapped some more. 

I dont know about others but when I'm taking pictures...I get into a zone.  Its like I'm in a bubble and it sounds like I have water in my ears.  I get very creative which is good but this can also be dangerous.  Once I tuned in...I had about 12 boys swarming me. Showing me fake tatt's and one real one ( I asked him if his mama knew)...jumping around, laughing, cracking jokes on each other, pushing each other.  Cussing  ( I called them on that one )  and telling me what they wanted to do with their lives..   And in turn, we were getting a lot of nervous glances from people, my age, walking by. 

Since we were blocking the flow of sidewalk traffic, I decided to end my little session.  As I walked away I heard one say

'she was kinda cool.'

ugh...that felt like a gut punch.  Having two young men...two Black young men..I often get offended when people generalize anyone but especially our youth and here I was with my own prejudiced view of a group of teenage boys.   I just felt extremely small-minded.  I know that, yes...my situation could have ended differently and yes, I need to have  a gut instinct about situations like that but I at least need to SEE the situation first and then judge.  Not judge it and then see it.  Does that make sense????

God's presence is shown EVERY day...we just have to see it....

Ali ,   who, if I must say is My ScrapBooking Crush, started the whole Around Here/In The Moment/Right Now craze for me.  I loved doing it so I think I might continue doing it....


RIGHT NOW...I just had break and I spent it outside.  Not walking.  Not talking.  Just enjoying the sunshine and actually liking the burst of wind that would just come out of nowhere.  God was talking to me right then.

IN THE MOMENT.... Early this morning, I had a parking lot battle and the battle won.  At least at the moment it won.  It was so bad I had to really check and make sure there wasnt a camera crew somewhere filming the craziness that happened.  And in the moment of that craziness, I went and had French Toast and sausage links.  With Maple Syrup.  And Butter.  Lots and lots of butter.  Not good for a diabetic.

AROUND HERE....the city is getting rev'd up because its Lincoln University's Homecoming.  I get to actually rock my "MY SON GOES TO LINCOLN UNIVERSITY!'  t-shirt   :-)  

RIGHT NOW...  I am so loving shirt dresses and tunics!  Big shirts and tights with a nice boot...oh yeah...could it be possible???  Could I love fall any more than I already do???  I do believe so...

IN THE MOMENT....when I got my electric bill on Wednesday,  I felt pretty good because that bad boy was back down to $112....  during the summer months, you know, The Year of the Midwest Drought... my electric bill NEVER was below $280...In that moment I felt sooooo good, I did a happy dance.  Yes....low electric bills make me THAT happy.

AROUND HERE...I am already mentally preparing for the holidays.    Well, not just mentally but I am taking a lot of time off for the holidays. Normally I dont.  I might take off the day before or after but this time around...I"m going to be off for about a week for Thanksgiving  and almost a week and a half for Christmas.  And I dont regret it.

RIGHT NOW...  I believe Miyagi has flea's...ugh.  He has dry skin anyway so we give him oatmeals baths, do daily sometimes twice a day brush downs  but he is actually biting or using his teeth when he is 'grooming'.  Almost in a knaw type fashion.  ugh....

I dont know what I dislike more....

being overwhelmed with too much to do that I cant breathe....

or

not being important enough...trusting my capablities enough... to be given a lot of tasks to do???

Monday was a holiday so I was off...My youngest was off but not because of the holiday.

( some sort of teacher developement day)

Decided to go for my walk earlier in the day and my youngest decided he wanted to go with...

( really I bribed him that if he would be my test subject and walk with him mother...I'd let him drive.  Yes...I bribed him.  Dont judge me)

I'm pretty selfish with my walks.  I like to be alone.  I like to listen to the quiet.  I like to take mental snapshots and ACTUAL snapshots.

So for the most part...I would rather be alone on my walks.

Some flowers are hanging in there...keep on hanging on!

Pumpkin patch...God that reminds me of my grandmother. She had pumpkin patches every fall. These little bulbs or whatever you want to call them, bring back SO many memories.

Really young folks...and a few young AT HEART folks...defacing public property does NOT make your love last.....

On Sunday...my morning walk gave me the oppurtunity to take some photo's of something else other than flowers, grasses, trails, etc....

I dont know what they were doing...maybe eating because they kept pecking at the ground

but there were so many I decide to admire from afar.

until they noticed me. after my last run in with a duck...I didnt want to tempt fate....i took some photo's and walked the opposite direction.

Saturday was the perfect day for a maze...I asked the boys what they had planned but when I told them I felt like going to a maze....plans quickly changed.

We chose to go to  Shryocks Maze....

Before we entered the maze Okoye thought it would be a good idea to  do boys against girls.  His girlfriend didnt think that would be a good idea  :-/

could the sun be any brighter??? 

In the middle of the maze there is a bridge and you can go and stand on it to get a highter view of the maze which really, doesnt help since the maze is so thick.  When the boys got to the bridge, they started yelling 'mom'   'mom'  'mom'  ( which I'm sure scared the heck out of every mom in the maze.  y'all know how we mom's are.  It doesnt matter where you are at, if a kid hollers 'mom'...you look. ).   So this iswhere we finally met up with them.

You are never to old for a pumpkin patch picture....yeah...I've got issues....

this is a view from the bridge...yeah....this is why I wont go at night.  imagine getting lost in there...

 

This is the Big Red Barn to the maze.  In front of it there are picnic tables for eating and drinking.  There are pits placed through out the front 'yard' for bomfires at night and huge stalks of bundled corn with pumpkins for pictures....

This is one of the owners of the farm.  He is explaining to us how the design is picked,how it is tracked and marked.  Basically, you need to be an engineer if you want to do a corn maze.  I kid but seriously...its not as easy as I thought it would be.  Oh that's my nephew Q....

another group photo...

love the sunlight on Saturday...

i begged him to do this...the whole time he was like...this is cheesey...but he did it anyway...