* I am in love with sunsets.......

Sleep is not my friend lately so I usually wake up around 1 or 2am. I’m not the type to lay in bed and toss and turn. I only associated my bed with sleep and ummmmm other activities, so if I don’t fall back to sleep, I get up. So last night I got up and watched a movie. Does anyone remember the movie American President? It starred Michael Douglas and Annette Benning and it was about, of course, Michael Douglas playing the President of the United States. Its an old movie, probably from the 90’s. Anywho, I love that movie. I love watching it mainly because I they show scenes of DC and a few years back, I went to DC. But its also a good story. Sorta romance which normally, I’m a kill, whodunit, space alien kinda movie watcher.

* you know, I love old movies. You know, the black and white one’s. How do you classify movies that are old in the sense of say maybe 10 years as compared to OLD movies that are black and white???? Get what I’m saying?? They are not really old movies but they are old movies. Lord….I need a full night sleep.

I was watching the movie, getting all nostalgic. I really want to go visit DC and spend longer than a weekend. I would love to take the boys. The boys love to look at my pictures from them, even though the picture are HORRIBLE. Even though, they still want to go. That is another item for my bucketlist….to take the boys to DC and Baltimore. I want to take them to the Inner Harbor, the Smithsonian, and the underwater Tunnel. Hell just walking around DC can take all day. Yep, a bucketlist wish for sure…

This year has really flown by. It seems like just a month ago it was 4th of July and here it is New Year’s Eve. I’ve had an okay year but thinking back I realize that I really haven’t been living for awhile. I’ve been maintaining and as I said on Adrienne’s blog…just surviving. I don’t want to do that anymore. God didn’t bring me this far for me to just be a bump on the path of life. I hope everyone is with loved ones rather they are family or friends. Or friends that have become family. My heart breaks when I imagine people alone on holidays. I’ve been alone at a holiday and I would never wish that on my worst enemy. Be careful if you are traveling and even if you are home. Sometime’s crazy comes knocking at your door. But most importantly, stay at peace.

*Edit! I am nearly in tears...Jodie...Jodie...JODIE!!! You are so freakin' sweet....

I did something very stupid. Something that if you seen it on the news or read about it in a paper you would shake your head at and think ‘stupid ass!’.

Last night, around 10:30, I woke up to Miyagi barking. Both of the boys were still up so I asked one of them to check on Miyagi down in the garage. Once Okoye went down I got up myself and headed downstairs but met Okoye half way down the stairs. When I asked him what it was he shrugged his shoulders and said nothing that he could see so I headed back to bed.

All of a sudden I wake up to the door bell ringing. When I seen it was 11:12 my first thought was that it was one of my niece’s. I was groggy so I was having trouble putting on my pj pants, hopping around with one leg in, one leg out when I stumbled into Okoye standing in my door way. He said ‘mom, it’s a crazy looking white dude!’ I’m still struggling with my pants when the doorbell rings again then several knocks.

I go down the steps and then stupid ass me cracks the door open. He says to call 911 and that its an emergency…immediately my mind goes to the horror stories of women who fall for the ‘car breaking down story’ and I grab the door tighter and pray that my glass outside door is locked (we are talking through the glass). I said I will and he said ‘tell them to come here and pick me up. there’s an emergency at….’ And he gives an address that’s about quarter of a mile away. I try to summon up some sort of bravado and I said I am calling the police RIGHT NOW’ to which he nodded. About that time Miyagi lets out a growl that made the hairs on the back of my hair stand up. Miyagi bumped me from behind so I moved to the side a little so he could see him, which he did so I closed the door and locked both locks on the inside door.

I told Okoye to get the phone. When he did, I heard my outside door open and then he tried the door knob. I yelled through the door that I was calling the police and he yelled back ‘call 911!’ I yelled ‘I’m calling the police!’ and he yelled again ‘its an emergency! Tell them to pick me up here!’. So Okoye gets the phone and I call 911. I’m telling the lady everything and I hear her typing away and then she stopped and asked ‘is that him?’ Because he was outside yelling to call the police. I said yes and she asked if I knew him. I told her no and she said okay, I’m dispatching squad cars out. I hung up with her and felt very overwhelmed. And stupid. Before I could call Lawrence, my phone rang. It was dispatcher .

She asked if I could give her a description so I gave her a description. By this time Jalil had a butcher knife, Okoye had a baseball bat and Miyagi was pacing and growling. I called Lawrence and told him what was going on. He couldn’t believe how loud the guy was yelling. He asked where I was standing and he said ‘get away from the door’ so I moved up the stairs a little but enough where I could see downstairs, out the bay window and I knew what every one was doing. Lawrence kept saying it was taking too long and by this time I had begun to sweat and stomach cramps were flipping around. He said to have Okoye call 911 from his cell phone so Okoye called. And then, it was quiet. Miyagi stopped pacing. Even laid down at the windows. Lawrence said if they hadn’t shown up by 11:30 to call Kerry and have him come over. Soon as he said that, I seen a sheriff’s car come down the street with spotlights on.

I opened the door for the sheriff and was explaining to him what the guy was saying, how he was acting and he asked if I got a look at him so I went into description. As I’m describing him I had my eyes closed and even went into detail about his hair, to which I opened my eyes and the sheriff stopped me ‘did you open the door?’. Tears started to fall and I nodded and I could hear Lawrence saying ‘baby, …..’ The sheriff said ‘okay we’ll be back either way so lock up’. I locked the outside door and locked the inside door. Lawrence said to go through the house and check everything else so the boys and I went through checking doors and windows making sure they were locked. I told Lawrence I was good and that I would call him tomorrow to which he wanted to stay on the phone with me until they came back and I said it was okay. I really just wanted to get off the phone.

I grabbed my green blankie and a pillow and went to sleep in the living room, looking out the window and near the stairs so that I could hear anything that was going on downstairs. Miyagi plopped down beside the couch and the boys went and got into my bed. I watched the police cars going by…back and forth with their spotlights on and finally one stopped in front of the house. I got up to answer the door. When he said they couldn’t find anything I remembered the address the guy yelled out and I told the sheriff. He went back to the car and headed in that direction and the boys plopped down on the floor with Miyagi. We started talking about practices for the week, New Year’s Eve, and trying to plan a trip to KC to go shopping. Anything to take our minds off of what was going on. Finally, Jalil said ‘the cops are here’ and I jumped up to answer the door. The sheriff said that they picked him up, wandering down on the street that I gave him. He said ‘we have him in custody due to a medical/mental….well, we have him in custody.’ I said good and I thanked him and he said ‘ma’am….NEVER never open your door. Yes you have a big dog but why risk it’.

I wasn’t even thinking bravado like that. Point blank…I wasn’t thinking at all. It scares me how bad this could have turned out. Not only with me but my boys as well. Anything could have happened to me. To them. My twisted mind thinks about not only I could have been made to witness but what THEY could have been made to witness. Lord, PLEASE don’t let me be this stupid again.

*WTF....some idiot sent me an invitation to a website called The Booty Call...... I cant...I cant get my words together. Maybe that's better because right now I want to cuss him dafuq out.....

*Sometimes I wish I could just beat my kids. Really and truly beat them. Starve them. Give them only one pair of jeans, a shirt, underwear, I pair of socks, and tennis shoes to wear. Everyday. Day in and day out. The same shit. Just so that they could actually see how damn good they have it. They have NO clue. That is a resolution for this year. To give my children’s reality back to them. They are the most overpriviledged underpriviliged kids I know. They feel like their life is sooooooooooooooo freakin' bad yet they each have $300 TOTAL cash, clothes galore, new games, they got their xbox's and xbox 360's back, dvd players back...I know I'm forgetting something yet they want to argue with me about being bored driving in the freaking car!!! WTF??? Are they insane?! I was nearly in tears at how crazy it is.

* My car breaking down on Christmas Day....is NOT a good sign. Driving on the highway my power steering went out, then a few hundred feet later...my battery light came on...and then another few feet my thermostat went all the way to the other side, in the red. My first thought was the serpintine belt. The boys called Kerry, who came to get us, and I called Lawrence and he said he agreed ( Have I said how much I love him?) that it sounded like the serpintine belt and it should be okay to drive back to the house. So we parked and waited for Kerry and then he followed me home. Well today my dad worked on it and it wasnt the belt but a pulley but it is fixed for $20 instead of the $100 for the belt and the $3000 for labor. I exaggerate but not by much....

*Dare I jinx it and say how much I love having 70 degree weather THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS?!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAH BABY....

* I am officially 21! Yeah....my birthday was Saturday and truth be told, I dont really mind getting older. Birthday's dont phase me too much. I just tend to ignore them. Well, I ignore them on the outside. I like to consider my birthday My New Year and that is when I start thinking about what I want to do differently in regards to ME. I'm inspired to get back on my organization bandwagon, getting back on my strict diet, and cutting clutter out of my life, that includes people. I dislike classifying human's as clutter but just because its my clutter doesnt mean it has to be someone else's clutter. Hell, I'm probably someone else's clutter. And I'm okay with that.

* I leave you with....PICTURES OF COURSE! LOL....

Jalil isn't even excited about getting his 360 back.....LOL

Ava Rae's first Christmas....you cant tell it by this shot but the whole dining room table is covered COVERED with her Christmas presents....but what is she most interested in???? Yes, the bow's and the wrapping paper.....

My mother....*sigh*....I cant get that woman to just stand and take a picture......that's my daddy....


LOL...one day, she will hate me for this! But 'Mylie has her finger up her nose 90 freaking percent of the time! oh yeah....that's my brother......

siggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh*** yes the dog got a present.....wasntme....



Okoye and his model pose.... I'll be so glad when he gets his hair cut........his cap is covering the bush that is growing on his head. This just reminds me how much I like him with no hair......

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

I get a huge thrill when I go into a public restroom and my butt is the first one that’s sat on it since its been cleaned. I actually smile and giggle.
I love getting compliments but only in private.
I love to be loved but I have a hard time with physical affection.
I love the relationship that I have with my boys.
I love my home. It is DEFINETLY my refuge.
I love my camera but I sooooo want to upgrade next year.
I love my bed. Absolutely love it.
I love the words ‘hey u’. When said the right way by the right person…it has all the promise in the world.
I love it when someone gets my humor.
I love to give gifts when you don’t expect it.
I love cardstock.
I love paper, period. Scrapbooking, college ruled, notebooks, journals.
I love calenders. The possibilities are endless.
I love it when a man can accept that women MIGHT know a lil bit about cars, basketball and computers.
Ummmm I love lists.

A couple weeks back, Kerry asked what the kids were doing on the 21st. I said nothing besides the usual and it hit me that it was that time of year again. The Dinner.

Kerry’s wife has hosted a holiday dinner every year for the past 4 years. The boys always go. I think Kerry’s family is always invited but I think his mom has only came once. There’s never hatred but I always feel this twinge. This deep feeling of sadness. Why? I don’t know. The boys love to go. And I’m glad that when they come back home, they aren’t crying, angry or depressed. They genuinely have a good time. They play games like taboo, checkers, and Uno. They do computer games. Their only complaint is that they don’t get enough to eat so soon as they come home, they raid the kitchen.

*********************************************
I am soooooooo glad this is a short week. We get Friday off so it will be a long 4 day weekend. And all I want from Santa is a lot of sleep. How bad is THAT? I have a birthday this weekend and that is all I can think about is where can I find a quiet corner to just curl up with my blankie and catch some z’s. No parties for me…just sleep. No dancing for me…just sleep. No alcoholic beverages….just sleep. No sexcapades….just…what EVER!! Ya’ll know better than that….
*************************************************

So Beautiful

I've watched this video or and over again....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqLx7AdWnN4

Today was a good day...no...I'm not rapping...you really dont want me to give you my Ice Cube impersonation...But anywho, once I got the text that school was cancelled my mind had already went into 'I aint going nowhere mode'. Okoye, who normally does not get out of bed early for ANY reason got out of bed about 10...went out and made $30 shovelling 2 walkways. He came up with an idea to carry a bag of 'salt' with him. Now he's back in bed snoring away. Jalil is out shooting hoops. Him working...nah...that doesnt go hand and hand. He figures that if he wants something, hey lets just ask mama to get it.

Does anyone use Snapfish? My niece swears that she's order almost 200 pictures from them and only has paid shipping and handling because they keep giving her 50 free pictures here....20 free pictures there. I already belong to Shutterfly, which prints out at Target, Walmart on line and then every once and a blue moon I will print at home but not all the time. I just dont like the quality.

Miyagi is LOVIN snow....I tried to get some pictures of him in action. Just for the record, no he didnt roll a snowball. Its one of his tennis balls.

I really like this photo for some reason....ummmm its really a poison ivy vine that I SAY I like cause its so pretty during the summer but actually, I'm just to lazy to dig it up.

I've discoverd Tracyee .

I love her tips and all but I am someone who does NOT like to do much with my hair. I'm talking not even washing it. Yes, I pay someone else to do that. HEY...I dont want to hear it. You get your nails done. And you are over there....you get bikini wax's. And you over there...you have a shoe fetish. My point being....every woman has SOMETHING, atleast one thing that she does not think twice about shelling out the cash for. My laziness is one of those things. My arms get tired. It takes too long. Anyway....I love her tips but her tips begin from shampoo to actually cutting her own hair. No I will NEVER cut my own hair but everytime I visit her blog I get all hyped up on trying to take care of my hair. But then I start thinking about having to go out and by things to do all this for. So I end up just calling my stylist for a hair appointment.

Thank God...today went by without too much of a battle cry from me. For the most part of the day...I was a lil bit on edge but I got over it pretty damn quick. My kids know mama dont like to drive in bad weather so when I got to work my oldest had called my office phone. When I called him back he was at the bus stop, asking if I was good. I told him I was fine. When my baby called to tell me he was home from school this afternoon he told me to be careful on my way home. I've got great kids. Gotta give my thanks on that one. Or two.

I would just be so much happier if winter REALLY could be spent lazin' around the house...never having to drive in bad weather.....wearing pj's all the damn time and not worry about if that last cookie out of 10 is going to send my glucose sky high or add another double chin. Cant winter be absorbed into fall? Just have pretty leaves change color and then one morning...they are green again???

Why is it that this time of year turns me into this deep introspective person who wonders if this is it? Is there more to be done? I cant do any mor.? Am I happy? Why am I sad? I am blessed. I want so much. I want to be left alone. Why havent you called lately? Its not you. It is definetly YOUR problem. urgh....I hate it.

I want one of those count down counters on my blog. It will be the count down to the first day of spring. My own count down to sanity. My mom called me and said that one of my niece's was frozen inside of her car. I was like 'say what mama???' One of my niece's had went out to warm her car up so she could go get her boyfriend from work. It was about 5 in the morning. When she tried to get out of the car...the car lock had frozen or jammed. My niece called my mom who then called me. 'Mama...I'm not going out there when her brother is in the house!! Tell her to keep calling the house phone!!!! Dayum.' Okay, I didnt say dayum but I wanted too....But for real...does THAT make a bit of sense or am I just cranky?

* I feel sick today. My stomach has been rolling for a couple days. More and more I think its nerves. For some reason I just have been on edge lately. Bad weather is suppossed to hit tonight into tomorrow and I dont do bad weather very well. About 3 years ago I had a bad accident (during lunch, left work to go visit my niece in the hospital, it was raining, hydroplaned ran smack into the stone median between the highways, spun out a 360 to the other side, skidded along the guard rail and when I finally stopped spinning, a 18 wheeler was headed for me.) so me and weather and driving...dont mix.

* Okoye's tournament is over...all week, everyday except Tuesday, was a game. They had open gym today, nothing tomorrow and then a game on Tuesday. Jalil also had 2 games yesterday. After the first game, his coach pulled him to the side and was talking to him. He hadn't made any BAD mistakes during the game so I was on edge as to why he was being singled out like he was. He slapped him on the back and they started walking over to a group of high school coaches. When I seen the coach stop in front of them and Jalil shake hands with one, Kerry and I both stood up and started walking over to them.

*Jalil's schedule calls for a Speech class at the end of the year. When I called his counselor and expressed my concerns, thatI didnt want him to be taken out of the class...I know its going to do him a lot of good. But with Jalil, the more preparation he has, the better he does. So she took that and ran. PE is a requirement at school but since his 'folder' requires a little adaptation to it, they took him out of PE and 'developed' a class for him. Its main focus is language and its uses but its also about interactions. If Jalil knows you, he talks TOO DANG MUCH. If he doesnt, its like pulling teeth to hold a conversation with him. It has worked WONDERS. A couple teachers even called last week to remark on how he is participating more, asking questions, asking for help. Things he really needs to do to understand what is going on. It shows up even in his games.

*Did anyone see the moon on Friday? It was huge. Gorgeous. This was what I got riding down the street....No where near what I got on Friday morning. They other shots where before I walked into work...and yes....I was late.

* I always feel overwhelmed at Christmas time. From Thanksgiving until January 1st my life always seem's overly hectic. I love Thanksgiving. It's a time when all my sisters and my brother actually are together with all our chil'ren, no pressure, just...laughter and together. And then comes....the onslaught of Christmas. Christmas no longer JUST means gifts (I know I know I know that is NOT what Christmas is) but it also brings a schedule of horrific porportions with the beginning of basketball season. Between practices and games and shuttling lil Susie as well as my own chil'ren...mama is tiiiired..tyad' tyad.
* Speaking of games...Jalil had two games last weekend. Hard team. Down to 4.6 seconds left in the game it was 53 to 50 in the the other teams favor. Jalil's coach called a time out and I knew what he was going to do. Jalil's speciality is throwing up 3's. Time out ended and the kid did an inbound pass BUT not to Jalil...Jalil just went and posted up, the kid bounced passed it over to him Jalil swooped it up and smooth as silk...he made it! Can you guess who was screamin
THAT IS MYYYYYYYYYYYY BOY!!!. But not only was I screaming, the whole gym was screaming. It was a WONDERFUL momemnt for him BUT then he fouled someone from the other team, they went to the line and of course MADE ONE OF THE DAMN BASKETS...Lord forgive me for thinking harmfull thoughts on that child. It aint his fault.
* Tomorrow I should be back in my own cubicle at work. We are still installing new carpet so most of my coworkers and I have been pushed out to where on another floor that our department occupies. I will be sooooooooooooooooo happy to be back in my own space.
* I havent taken photos in awhile. Accept the embarrassement and humilation I may Miyagi go through with the reindeer antlers. You will be happy to know that although he obeyed the command to sit, and he let me put those things on him to take pictures....soon as I layed them down, he grabbed them and went to a corner to chew the hell out of them. Bless his little heart.
* And now its time to take Jalil to practice and then go pick Okoye up from his...

I'm sure one day I will pay for this....

I hope everyone had a blessed wonderful Thanksgiving. Full of family, friends, and lots of food. I have been off work for 4 days and it was HELL…HELL I tell you to roll my booty out of bed this morning to get ready for work. I think a new law should be that when you have been off work for at least 3 days that the next time you go into work, that day you only have to go in at 11 and then leave at 2 and it counts for a full 8 or 10 hour shift. Yeah…I need to get onto President Elect Obama for that one.
~
Something has crawled up in my car and died. I have no clue where this funky smell is currently in my car. No, I haven’t cleaned it out to find out (I’m scarey like that) but I’m wishing that eventually it just ups and walks away on its own.
~
I don’t drink very often but when I do…I drink hard. I do believe I have been drinking for 4 days strait. Lawrence thought for sure I would throw up at some point or at least have a hangover or headache but no. I’m a champ. He’s not used to that other side of me. I think he’s scared.
~
I love Thanksgiving. Maybe more than Christmas. There’s usually more family around. Seems like more love is in the air. When I go back home, I run into some one who says ‘you haven’t changed A BIT!!!’ and I’m thinking ‘ummm yeah…I weighed 150 pounds in high school’ and then I’m trying to remember who the hell this person is hugging me in the gas station. But I love it. Christmas has gotten so commercial and every year, I make a vow that THIS YEAR will be different. That my kids will REALLY understand and feel the meaning of Christmas. I’ve started putting up decorations even though we probably wont have a tree (AGAIN) this year. But trust….you will know its Christmas.
~
Things continuously broke on me this weekend. My curling iron went caput on me. I mean…smoke curling, hair sizzling, caput. And yes, after I seen it was smoking I still touched the damn thing to make sure. Yeah…whiskey is NOT my friend. Then we bought the movie Hancock. Could NOT get it to work so I returned it 5 times (not the same actual dvd…different ones). The last time, I do believe they thought I was crazy. I guess me saying through clenched teeth to the poor customer service girl ‘FIND A DVD PLAYER AND PUT IT IN THERE, NOWWWWWWWW!!’ didn’t help matters much. Again, boys and girls….whiskey is NOT my friend. Then I blew up my parents microwave. I’m still trying to figure that one out. I was reheating a plate of pie (gotta have it hot for the whipped cream), took it out to test it and it was fine so I closed the door and was just going to let the time run out. Took two steps away from the microwave when someone yelled and I turned and things were on and popping in the microwave. Burnt a hole in the side of it. Quess what Mom and Dad??? You all get a microwave for Christmas.
~
Okoye has a game in Rolla Missouri tonight and Jalil has practice tonight. Urgh…this is when I wish the boys father didn’t work nights. I hate it when one of them don’t have at least one parent for an event. I’ve decided to stay in town to shuttle Jalil around and told Okoye and he was fine with it but why do I feel like a bad parent? I kept texting Okoye ‘R U sure?’ finally he was like ‘MOM!’ I guess apart of me wanted him to beg me to find away to the game….I’m sick and have issues. I know this. And knowing is half the battle.

I got this from Beautifully Broken...





November 26, 2008

39 Things You Might Not Know About Me ....
1) What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Nothing
2) Name 3 people who you talked to today?
Jalil, Shells, Lawrence
3) What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
Answering emails, eating breakfast and talking on the phone
4) What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
texting
5) What is your favorite board game?
hmmmm I like scattergories, monoply and taboo
6) Have you ever been to a strip club?
yes
7) What is the best ice cream flavor?
vanilla. Its not the flavor but the toppin’s for me.
What are you wearing right now?
blouse, slacks and tennis shoes (too lazy to change)
9) What was the last thing you ate?
2 eggs and sausage links
10) Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
I wish but no.
11) What’s the last sporting event you watched?
went to two basketball games last night.
12) If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
A remote cabin with all the amenities of a hotel.
13) Who was the last person to text message you?
Lawrence
14) Ever go camping?
LOL…that’s funny
15) Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
nope
16) Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
yepper
17) Are you someone’s best friend?
You betcha
18) What are you doing tomorrow?
being with family, relaxing, taking ton's of photo’s and eating eating and then ummm eating.
19) Where is your mom right now?
in bed
20) Look to your left, what do you see?
urgh…our office is moving so it is trashy right now urgh gross
21) What color is your watch?
Not wearing a watch.
22) What do you think of when you think of Australia?
That big white building
23) Do you have a dog?
I think he’s a horse but yeah
24) Last person you talked to on the phone?
joe blow public
25) Have you met anyone famous?
not that I know. I guess if I don’t remember they cant be too famous
26) Any plans today?
live to please
27) Are you happy?
yes. Grouchy but happy
28) Where are you right now?
At work.
29) Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
I have these boots that make me feel so dang tall!!!
30) Are you jealous of anyone?
ummm no why?
31) Is anyone jealous of you?
mmm no why?
32) What time is it?
9:59am…dang…I’ve slacked off enough this morning…I need a break
33) Do any of your friends have children?
Yes
34) What do you usually do during the day?
Work.
35) Do you hate anyone right now?
nope
36) Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
Always
37) How many kids do you want to have?
you mean those kids living in my house don’t belong to me????
38) How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
25
39) How did you get one of your scars?
car accident
What was the last thing you drank?
coffee
What do you feel like right now?
grouchy but good
How many times have you eaten sushi?
too many times
Do you know of anyone that has a crush on you?
good Lord, I’d hope not. They would be so disappointed after they got to know me.
Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
most definetly. That’s kinda scary.
Do you have any saved texts?
nope
Are you starting to realize anything?
trying to be happy doesn’t make you happy
One thing you’re looking forward to?
spring
How late did you stay up last night and why?
about 10:30ish
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
yes. We might not know the reason right then but eventually we do
Are you a jealous person?
nope
Regret anything?
Never.
Are you watching tv?
No
You have one day to live, would you stay home?
Yes.
What are you currently doing?
doing a mental list of things to do
If you could do something differently, would you go back?
Absolutely not.
Would you move to another country to be with the one you love?
ugh…I hate these questions
Do you still talk to the first person you fell hard for?
Yes.
Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
Night
Do you always answer your phone?
No
Have you ever fallen asleep in someone’s arms?
Yes.
Do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
why does this question make me laugh…but yes.
Is there something on your mind that you wish wasn’t?
nope
Do you currently have a hickey?
nope
What did you do today?
this is a redundant question….look above at numbers 3 and 4
What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
3 months closer to spring
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months?
oh I don’t know….at about 2 months and 29 days I start to get antsy
Does anyone love you?
I hope so.
Who is the person who broke your heart?
my ex and I guess that would be why he is an ex
What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to see family
What are you doing this weekend?
nada
Are you happy with the way life is going?
some what
When was the last time you felt like your heart was actually breaking?
during my divorce
Are you happy right now?
I swear you’ve already had this question. I agree, so I’m starting to get bored.
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
ummmmmmm hellz yeah
Do you like to cuddle?
no.
Do you believe ex’s can be friends?
yes
What is the last thing you did before you went to sleep last night?
texted
Will your next kiss be a mistake?
nope
Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Never.

Dooce is pregnant. Wow. I’m so out of the loop. Such is life.

~
Jalil had basketball games on Sunday. Very emotional time for him. The first 2 games, were tough on him but he still was having fun. Laughed with the other boys. Slapped hands with the other kids. Still managed to man the boards and take care of business. The last game, was really tough. I knew he was getting overwhelmed. It was a fast paced team. Very physical. He started exhibiting the signs…that he was overwhelmed and that he felt over in over his head And when he gets overwhelmed, he shuts down. I never know rather to tell people his situation. I don’t want him to be prejudged but then again I want people to have an understanding of what he’s dealing with. Anyway, after being knocked over a few times, the coach yelling at him several times and missing 2 easy layups, the coach took him out of the game. He tried to go sit at the end of the chairs but the coach sat him down beside him. Soon as he sat down, my baby put his head in his hands and started rubbing his head. I guess I was about to go Terminator Momma on him ‘cause my ex said ‘he’s okay…just hold on’. That was the worst 2 minutes of my life. Sitting there watch my baby cry. The coach kept leaning over and talking to him and then finally he put his hand on his back and kept rubbing his back. I’d glance at him every now and again but tried not to stare completely. Finally I just stared at him until he looked up and soon as his his head came up he looked into my eyes. That connection we have with our children is UNfreakinbelieveable. Coach said something to him and he nodded and he stood up to get back into the game. Several people stopped us after the game to shake Jalil’s hand or slap him on the back, which for the first time, he enjoyed (he doesn’t like a lot of physical contact from strangers). And now, tonight is Okoye’s turn. Here’s a couple shots from yesterday

My dad was in the hospital a couple weeks ago for a blockage. I was sitting with him to give my mom so time and we were watching a marathon of Judge Something or Other’s on TV. All of a sudden, he was flipping channels almost freakin’ out. It was time for Charmed to come on. My dad LOVES Charmed. He watches the rerun’s religiously TWICE a day. All of us tease him about it but that does not stop him from planning his day by when that show comes on. So we are searching trying to find the show and once we found it, he settled back, content with the remote on his belly. I shook my head and kept reading my book. It was pretty quiet so I could vaguely hear the show but I could hear the nurses at their station, the bleeping of his monitors and something ticking in the background when he quietly said ‘that’s you’. I glanced up at him and he’d never taken his eyes off the TV. I looked at the TV and one of the actresses was on. I watched her for about 20 seconds and I smiled because…yeah…she was me. He did that with the other two actresses. Just as quiet. Just as matter of fact. Each character reminded him of me and my sisters. We’ve been teasing him all this time about his favorite show and his favorite show is his favorite show because it reminds him of his daughters.
~
OH! I remembered why I mentioned my office getting new carpet ( from yesterdays post )…in order to do that, they have to dismantle all the cubicles so we are packing up personal stuff. Its like going down memory lane! My pictures, I’ve taken down but here are some pictures of the stuff I have on my walls….as you see, the items are things my boys have done in school and day care. Ummmm my boys are 15 and 13. Yes, there are fingerpaintings, cut out snowflakes, stick figures pictures that includes daddie, etc. Getting where I’m going here??? Its been years YEARS since my boys have done finger painting. Years since they used stick figures. And 5 years since their daddy and I have been married. Yeah….its time to take some stuff home. BUT ITS SO CUTE!!!! Just something for those out there with younger kids... If you keep their art work, I suggest putting dates on the back of them. Some of this stuff I’m going to put into scrapbooks and I know its going to be a bugger to put a time line on them.
~

I still have YET to find my old phone. Now, its an obsession. It wasn’t on the x-ray. He hasn’t passed it (trust me…I know) and its not in my house. I’ve tore this house up from top to bottom even though I know, if he buried it, I DID hear it ring when I called it and I was upstairs in the living room. I am obsessed with finding this phone!
~
We are getting new carpet at work. My department sits on two floors and they are finishing up on the other floor so soon they will start on our floor. It’s really about time. We have the carpet square the color of burnt orange…kinda 70ish. I guess I cant ask the government to give me like a soft woven carpet in a soft slate grey where I can take my shoes off and rub my toes in it….ummm where was going with this????? I cant remember so I will come back to it later.
~
My son is upset. He had basketball tryouts, got on the team then had to try out for rather he would be on the A (the ultimate team) team or the B (the not so ultimate team). Since he’s always been on the A team, he assumed that he would be on the A team. I’ve went to a couple practice’s and I’ve seen his team mates. Most of whom I’ve known for years. Most of the boys have improved IMMENSELY or grew about 3-5 inches. I told my son that he needed to step his game up some more. Practice more. LISTEN TO HIS DAD more when his dad is trying to help him. Noooooooooooooo…..he knows what he’s doing. One night he came out of practice talking about he was 3rd in line on his position. I told that I thought that if that was the case, he should be on the B team. The way I see it, if you are 3rd in line, that means that you MIGHT play 2-3 minutes as a stand in. Being on the B team, he would have more playing time so he could perfect his game. You would have thought I had told him to wear the same thing twice in one week. We went round and round and finally I let it go. Well, he’s on the B team. He got in the car and said ‘I hope your happy! You got your wish!’ I said ‘what???’ He said that I got my wish he, that he was on the B team. I kid ya’ll not, I came close to putting my foot in his azz. I had to breathe deep for a few seconds. Once we got home I did get into his azz. Like I told him, he is to never NEVA EVA think that I would want something that would be bad for him. If I think it would be best for him, he best believe that it is BEST FOR HIM. I’m the one who has always got his back. I’m the one that makes sure he is not short changed in ANYway shape or form. And if he EVER came at me with a thought that something I wanted for him was bad…intentionally bad…I would show him what bad meant. I think it hurt me more than angered me.
~

Remember the Parking Lot Drama from a few months back??? Well now, the coveted parking spots (the one’s closest to the building after the handicapped spots) have been designated as Reserved-Parking by Permit. And you know, if people are zealots for those parking spots when they are free, they aint gonna want to PAY for them. This morning, when I came in, except for one spot, the whole row was empty. Bet there are some pretty pissed people today…

~

Had yesterday off for Veterans Day. A friend that complains to me about the holidays I get asked me what was I doing to support the Vet’s. I told him that I am the love slave of one and that makes up for all that supporting he’s talking about.

~

Why do people argue with you when they know you are right?

~
This is a message for Oprah. Oprah…I love you girl. Always will. When I first met you, years and years ago, I didn’t understand the significance and impact you would have on my life. You’ve changed and evolved in so many ways but you still had that ‘but Oprah would understand’ quality. When you had Dr Phil on, I started buying his books, along with Suze Orman and that one dude who talked so much about fulfilling your life’s purpose ( truth be told, he was too deep for me.). when you came out with your magazine, religiously, for a year, I bought one EVERY month. And I promised I would NEVVVEEEEEEEER throw them away. But…times change. I’ve changed. I feel like we are not on the same page. We are different people with different needs now. And I hate to tell you this but O’…there is another in my life. I love her. I truly do. No, listen to me. This is only for your own good. Oprah…girl, she makes me laugh. Truly laugh out loud. She makes me feel again. Like I can change the world and have fun doing it. She makes me dance and wont take no for answer. And Oprah…she is so regular. Just like me. O…you’ve been replaced by Ellen. Yes, Degeneres. We are on a new journey. A journey full of love, laughter and dance. This truly is not you…its me and I’m so sorry.

I let my sister and Cristal talk me into going out for drinks on Friday. After I got off work, I had to run around to get Miyagi from the vet, get Okoye from practice and then go by and pick up another phone....when I was pulling into my driveway at 6:20...yes, getting drunk was in my mind but if anything it would be in the privacy of my own home and alone. Drinking is something I dont do a lot of but the why's are a post for another day....

So 8, I find my butt on the way to Columbia. My sister chatted the ENTIRE way there. At one point I asked her had she talked to anyone lately and she laughed, paused in her conversation, possibly to gather breathe for the next 15 minutes, and began where she left off before I so rudely interuppted her.

At 9:45 I find myself sitting with chips and salsa downing a mojito. Cristal knew the owners of Agave so they made our drinks pretty strong. Lets just say I knew no strangers...someone had me trying goat cheese which was very good and once I had my chicken chimichanga...I was already full. But why... WHY did I shove it down anyway....all of it. Once we left there, we went back over to Cristal's house and talked until about 2 in the morning. We went from the election and then swung back the other way to the topic of one night stands.

Anyway, I have been a slug all weekend. Sleeping tons, getting up to clean somethin or another, taking a child here and there, eating and then, of course sleeping all over again. I enjoyed myself but SUCH a reminder of how old I am.

Can xrays be wrong? I swear I think he's swallowed my cell phone.

* Black/White photo from the cover of the Chicago Sun-Times

Words to describe….how does one describe it? ARE there words to describe how I am feeling right now???
~
I went to vote before I went to work yesterday morning. About 6:45am. I was number 381. I was out of the church by 7:12am No problem with lines, wrong address, nothing. Completely smooth. If only the rest of my life could be like that.

~
Besides Shells, I do believe we are the only Democrat’s in the office. Several people were still on cloud 9 from Sarah Palin and Hank Williams Jr being across the street from our office building the day before so me and Shells kinda huddled together for the most part of the day as chitchat circulated around us. Today…complete silence….is it THAT scary?

~
I let Jalil stay up until about 11:30 last night to listen to the news. I figured it would be hell to wake him up this morning but that boy rolled out of bed with bells on and they were chiming ‘YES WE CAN’ or ‘YES WE DID’ as Christy said. He was worried about having to take our yard sign down. I told him that it could stay out there as long as he wanted it to. Hey, if people can keep Christmas lights up all year ‘round, why cant I leave my Obama/Biden campaign sign up?

~
Again, the same as last week, after listening to this man, I closed my eyes and imagined him being several hundred feet from me. That energy that surrounds him, just from memory alone came through the TV. Once again I felt the need to do something and be about something. I respected his mention of Senator McCain and Govenor Palin. I loved his reference to his daughters and the puppy they deserved. I felt the warmth when he mentioned his best friend, his wife. I raised a fist when he said that we have to rebuild this country together, no divide between the parties. And I cried at the mention of his grandmother. My grandmother, would NEVER NNNNNNNNNNNEVA in a hundred years would think, or hope this possible. I picture her same ‘Gotdamn….he did it!’ She’d say some other things but its best I don’t put them out there. My ex called and we talked and then he wanted to talk to Jalil. Lawrence called, his voice gruff, he talked quietly about his mom and dad. How he’d wished they had seen this. Experienced this. That this is no longer a possibility. This is reality. An amazing beautiful reality.

~
I have been copying and saving stuff all day today. I want to put articles and pictures on a disc or something. I will of course get magazines and newspapers. I have a friend in Chicago and he’s sending me some copies of The Chicago Sun-Times newspaper today (if he can get it) but I want some of the video clips or feeds that different websites have. I copied the transcripts from President (elect) Obama’s speech. Senator McCain’s concession speech was heartfelt. I’ve copied that transcript as well but I want to get the actual speech. Just so much history and so little time.

I have been off work since last Thursday and I really and truly dread going back. Mainly because after I've been off for x amount of days I really start to enjoy that time of doing what I want to do and when I want to do it and somewhere in my mind I get the idea, this wild hair that I can do it as a lifestyle. Not. No. But, I also dread going back because tomorrow is election day...my stomach has been in KNOTS...this kind of thing just makes my nerves on edge. It's the feeling I get when I know KNOW that there is going to be a confrontation of sorts and I really aint in the mood. Sarah Palin was like....right across the street from my office today. No, I didnt go. Mainly because I wasn't in town but also because she....gets under my skin. She has too much power laid at her feet for her to use her feminine wiles as a politcal tool. I would love to have gotten pictures of her. Mainly for the same reason I made my boys watch the Republican conventions. This election is history in the making. No matter how you look at it. Our country has never been watched as hard as it has been and will be, as it has been in this election. I've wanted to document it for me but also for my boys. I know how I am going to vote and I know I'm a Democrate BUT I want them to use their minds. Know their own beliefs and make decisions based on their core beliefs. And then I beat them until they vote Democrat. I kid I kid!

Went to go see Senator Obama on Thursday night. My mother....God love her. She drives me absolutely nuts. The gates would open at 7:30. I wanted to leave at 5:30 to get there and stand in line. She comes strolling into my house at 6. 'Ummmm Mom, I said 5:30'. She looks at me standing at the door with my purse (hint hint: Im 'ret ta go') on my arm, keys dangling and she puts her purse on my kitchen table (a BBBBBBBBBBBBBBig no no) and plops down into a chair. I look at her because yes, I'm a grown azz woman and I have my plans but ya'll....this is my momma here. I'm not in the mood to get a whopping'. She shrugs out of her trench coat and says 'well, your brother is going with us so Angie is bringing everyone by here. I'm hungry, do we have time to eat????' That put me in a mood right there. But by the end of it, in the middle of 10's of thousands of people, with music blaring in the background, my Mom's was hugging me, crying and thanking me,over and over again, for taking her. No matter what, I am SO glad I had a hand in helping her and my son's...two totally different generations, to feel that feeling that we felt Thursday night.

~

Went to go get an oil change on Friday and come to find out I needed two new tires in front. urgh. So I took them in today and had that worked on. I had surprise bills. Who am I kidding. I hate BILLS period...who came up with bills? What jerk decided that this was a good thing?

~

Well I'm finally ready to catch some Z's....oh...before I forget...

......you better vote!

Senator Obama in Columbia Missouri. Words just can not describe.

A little more pain....

Yeah....I dont know how my mother let me out of the house like this. I remember this...this was the year I told my mom I didnt like how she did my hair and she turned over the comb and brush to me. I think I was 12 years old...such a tomboy. I do believe that is a velour top. A top that I loved.

America's Next Top Model aint got nothing on me and my sister!!! Imtryna tell ya....what was going on with the long sleeve, possibly velour turtleneck with the haltertop...I couldnt tell you but I was FIERCE.

urgh....that awkward stage...I started having breast before my older sister did...urgh...i hated that time. Do ya see the damn plaid???? Do you see it! I swear. My sister had on blue jeans, why couldnt I? And dont get me started with the part down the middle with the two braids.

Senator Obama will be in Columbia on Thursday. I am so stooked yet so torn. Jalil's has basketball tryouts on that night. The gates open for the appearance at 7:30 and then it starts at 9:30. His tryouts are from 7-8:30. Columbia is about 30 mintues away...urgh!

I'm kinda getting into the whole voter support going on everywhere. Just a few close to me....



I guess Firefighters like Senator Obama too...

I'm also being inundatedwith Republican material. By mailI got something 3 times last week and then by phone. with the messages, I got the I guess robocalls. What is UP with that?

~~

I was mopping my floor when the doorbell rang. I had the inside door open with the outside door locked so when I came down the hall, I seen my best friend from high school standing there. I ran down the steps and let her in and we instantly went into that high school squeal ( yes I can be feminine sometimes). Even though I had all the dinning room chairs in the living room I pushed them out of the way and we sat down on the couch. Its funny I instantly went into that teenage thing of sitting Indian style. I havent sat Indian style since.....ummmm my kids were babies. And you know how long that has been. For about 6 hours we sat in the same spot talking catching up. Its been about 3 years since I seen her and even that time it was almost in passing.

She's going through some things. Serious issues. She said that when times get tough she remembers me doing silly stuff to get her through. That she remembers how my family supported her more than hers did. And that she felt like home was always around me. And that is why she stopped in. To feel at home.

I missed her. I didnt realize how much until I seen her. This woman knows some things about me that most would disown me for and she still searched me out to find me. To tell me that she loves me. And to tell me that no matter what, if we never seen each other again after yesterday, she just wanted me to know those things. I so pray for her peace.

We made a promise to keep in touch and I hope we do.

~~

This will only hurt for a lil bit...I swear.

This is all of us in KC....til this day my mom still loves plaids, polka dots and strips. YES, sometimes on the same shirt or a complete outfit. Its no wonder I only wear white, black and brown. Its my Mom's fault.

Umm yeah. Just sad.

Me and my Afro puff's..... I hated the puff's and I hated plaid. I hate corduroy more than I hated plaid but it seemed to be all my mother knew to dress us in. 'til this day...I. HATE. PLAID.

My hospital picture.

Why don’t people tell each other that there pants are unzipped? I mean TOTALLY unzipped. I mean, black slacks with white panties showing UNZIPPED. Geez. I wouldn’t have been mad if you stopped me and said 'hey...your fly is undone'. I would have welcomed it. Yes, I would still be embarrassed but that would have saved me the total embarrassment of having my panties showing to a lot of complete strangers.
~~
I am so loving sun rise. I am having a fatal attraction to the darkness with the hint of light, clouds disappearing, pinks and blues that have been in ours skies lately. I aint a pink girl but sometimes when I drive into work I feel like God planned that sun rise just for me. And He did, you know. We’re cool like that.
~~
If one more person asks what I’m dressing Miyagi up for Halloween….this is my answer: A dog who attacks upon command. I barely believed in wasting money on costume’s for my children WHY would I do that for my dog? I know…everyone does it. More power to you and keep on keeping on but when I say ‘ummm I’m not’ in response to that question, please do not keep saying ‘ohhhhhh why not!?!’ or ‘you have tooo!!’ or ‘he would be so cute as a cow!!!’ No. He wouldn’t.
~~
I have felt like crap physically for the past month and it finally hit me, duh! I’ve felt like crap because I have not been managing my diabetes at all. Yeah…I’ve been popping my pills but I haven’t been monitoring what I eat (me saying yeah…give me s’more of that does not constitute ‘monitoring’ what I eat) nor exercising. So I bought some more shoes and I am back to walking again and watching my carb intake. I’ve started testing my levels again (for some reason doing that makes me accountable for my carb intake. I think they came up with that for that reason alone) so soon…SOON I will be back on track.
~~
Went walking for my morning break and was on my elevator ride back to my office. A man gets on the elevator with these huge long duffel bags. I squelched my terror for the possibility of launch missiles (I watch entirely too much crime and military TV show’s) as he maneuvered himself around so as not to hit me. When he got situated, he gave a nervous laugh and said ‘whew…there! I’d hate to have to boink ya!’. I couldn’t stop myself and I bust out laughing in his face. I tried to smooth it over but he was pretty red in the face by the time he hurried off the elevator.
~~
I remember one summer being down in Arkansas at my grandfathers house. Morrilton, Arkansas. I can remember long car rides down to Arkansas with warm sandwiches, kool aid jugs (the kind people used to take fishing and you didn’t pour it into a cup, you just drank from the opening. Yeah, I said ‘drank’) and sweaty legs being pressed together in the back of our station wagon. Usually there would be a caravan going. My family,my aunts and uncles following behind us. We’d take the interstate down but once we started noticing gravel roads, we all knew we were almost there. Once we got there my mom and my aunts would start frying chicken while my dad, uncles and grandfather wouldn’t even bother moving towards the house before they would start drinking right by the cars. And we, the kids would take off. Lord…My grandfather didn’t even have indoor plumbing. My Uncle Chris’ favorite thing to do was to scare us. He’d wait ‘til one of us was using the out house and bang on it to literally scare us half to death. Even though he was our Uncle, we still yelled at him and chased him around with a stick for being so mean just like he was a kid. He was a kid so it was hard to put him into that ‘Uncle’ role. We all went to this Creek to play around and I remember him asking if we knew what Big Foot was. Of course most of us didn’t and he started telling us about the hairy huge half man. LOL it was so quiet. He had us all under his spell listening to his story, about 12 of us and we didn’t move, just sat around this creek. My brother was the first to say ‘Uncle Chris (even though Uncle Chris was 3 years older than him) stop scaring every one!’ and we all laughed and kept right on. Later on that night, all the kids were outside on the porch since it was hot inside the house (no AC, no window units, NOT EVEN A DAMN FAN!!) and that was were we would hang out until we went to sleep. Understand, this was the middle of nowhere, so there were no street lights, no dusk to dawn lighting…nothing. But we weren’t scared (God I miss those days). One of my cousins jumped up and said ‘there’s something over by the tree’s!!!’ We all sat still and watched and watched and then all of a sudden we all screamed at the same time. We seen this huge thing come out of the tree’s and go back. When the grown ups came outside we told them we seen Big Foot to which of course they didn’t believe us so they flashed the car lights over towards the tree’s. Nothing. My Uncle Curtis asked what’d we know about Big Foot anyway and we started telling them the the story that Uncle Chris had told us and all the grown ups started laughing at us. Said that Uncle Chris was just trying to scare us so they started yelling for him. Like he was in the tree’s. I will never forget my mother’s face when Uncle Chris came from inside the house. No one said anything for awhile and Uncle Chris kept asking what was going on. As far as I know, no one else has ever brought it up again. I miss my Uncle Chris.

Gotta love it.... just what I need today...

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=93CPo0sBVZc&feature=related


http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk


http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM&feature=related

The boys had been with their dad pretty much all weekend. My uncle passed Saturday morning so Kerry came and got them Saturday afternoon to give me time, time I had NO clue I really needed. No music. No tv. Lots of reading. Slept for hours. Didnt even get dressed (so relaxing at the time but today it sounds kinda gross).

This is one of the roads me and Miyagi walk...



Just a shot I like....I LOVE aperture settings.

Military helicopters....love them too.