* Stilletos are really hard...I mean really hard to walk in. but i SO love how sexy I feel when I tried a pair on last night

*my oldest baby will be 18 in 8 days! Good Lord...I think I want to curl up in a ball and cry

*I KNOW I complained about the rain but OH MY Gawwwwwwwwwwd...I am so loving the green green that is in my world right now. Man! God sure knew what he was doing when He thought of Spring

*do you know the Bible Story of Samson? I know, everyone makes the issue about the vow and not having a razor touch his hair but the whole story...if you read it carefully enough...is MUCH bigger than Delilah...


Happy Weekend my friends!

muah!

*went swimming yesterday...nothing like trying to swim with thunder crashing above....i love to swim so much...soooooooooooooooooo much


*watched the BET awards last night over to my nieces house....i have to say Chris Brown DID get to me. Oh! and i love me some Prince and El Debarge....LOVES


*My oldest son wasnt invited to partake in a summer basketball league for the first time since he was in the 4th grade. he doesnt APPEAR to be upset....


*speaking of my oldest son, there are 3 different girls calling for him now. I'm not liking that too much. I know I know I know...first I complain that I dont him to settle down with just one girl and now I'm complaining because there are more than one girl calling him...I have issues ya'll...issues


*Can i have Ciara's body? Seriously...can I?


*i washed my own hair last night...this is HUGE for me. Huge.


*having him around for a full month makes me incredible nervous. Incredibly


*Took my youngest to the driving range...I do believe I aged 10 years in 20 minutes....we've started preparing him for different things NOW that he will need in the fall when school starts (new school + new teachers =very upset younger son)...things like a series of instructions for something to do...going to the mall or big stores and giving directions for him to navigate...and now..now we decided to get him used to cars (signals, buttons, mirrors,etc) and driving...pray for us ya'll


* watched Dear John this weekend...it was okay...although not like The Notebook like everyone told me it would be....

*i walked around in heels this weekend. well, not heels by most people's standards but when I wear something higher than a kitten pump...its a heel. 3 inch heels...yessiree...i walked around my house in them...now, no telling what will happen outside my house...look out.

*Okoye got a job! I had my doubts at first because at first, when I asked him what was said at the interview, the words ‘you’re hired!’ was never said. I tried to keep his hopes but also tried to make him understand that it might not happen but it did! So he works at a steak/grill restaurant, making salads, at least for now. Like he said ‘at least it’s a job!’ and with that attitude I can’t complain. His first day was Saturday and he was worn out! he also had to work on Mother’s Day and I tried my best to not show how disappointed I was but secretly deep down…I had a panic attack that this was the first time I had EVER not been with my baby on Mother’s Day…whew…my chest tightens even now.

*My Mother’s Day started with a hospital visit. My niece had to rush my great niece, Ava Rae, to the emergency room Saturday night for drinking 4oz of Benadryl so early Sunday morning I brought my niece a Mother’s Day breakfast of pancakes from McDonalds. Ave Rae is back home but she looked so tiny in the hospital bed! Of course…ya’ll know I got pictures. She was so tired. I got there about 8am and she finally went to sleep about 6 that morning so she was SO knocked out….

*I finally picked the photo’s I wanted to use for my AWinTL project. This was NOT easy. Since I used my timer in a lot of situations I had tons of photo’s. I could have deleted most of them ( I mean c’mon 10 pictures of me fluffing my pillow to get it exactly right IS excessive) but I didn’t want to miss any small detail. I finally settled on the ones I wanted to use and uploaded them and ordered them. I very seldom use my printer at home, at least for photo’s. the boys will use it for their own purposes ( you should see their rooms…every available space has photos SCOTCHED taped to it….) if they want a picture right then but I’d rather send out for them. I’m trying to remember its not about the embellishments or stickers (which I am big on) but more of the journaling…the words telling what could be going on in any given day or week in our lives so its hard but not hard for me. I don’t want to rush through this but to think about and savor what the photos mean so I can express it.

*Oh! Now that Mothers Day has passed I can tell you what my dad did for my mom, LOL Their anniversary was March 31st so what does he do…March 25th he asks me to call around and see about ordering my mom a mother’s ring. You know the one’s with her stone and then the birth stones. Called around and found several places that do it BUT they have a little twist too them…you can have names engraved on the rings. How cool is that! Very cool but….it takes 4-5 weeks for completion. Hmmm not going to work for their anniversary so he decided it would be for Mother’s Day. About a week ago it was complete…GOrgeousssssssssssss….he out did himself with this one! And she loveddddddddd it. Loved it! I love their love for each other and it so VERY special…

*I’ma lil bit upset at my pharmacy and my insurance company. I have been put on a new medication (well I guess I cant say that I’ve been put on it since I have yet to actually TAKE it) that I have been waiting a week to get filled but my pharmacy cant fill it because my insurance company is talking to my doctor on rather I really need it. I guess if I need it..they will pay for it or at least a portion of it…. A week people. A week. Good thing it’s not a life or death situation…

Its Friday...I'm at work and we are having a slight blizzard. Well, not a blizzard but it was raining first and then the rain turned to these huge light-airy but wet snowflakes....and as most of my friends, family and coworkers know...Jakki does not do driving in bad weather....I never had a problem driving in bad weather. My ex used to get so angry with me because there could be 5 inches of snow on the ground and I would find a way to make it too work. Then one day that all changed when I had a bad accident where I hydroplaned on the highway, crossed over a lane of traffic, rammed into a stone median, did a 360 and spun back to the other side of the highway and sorta like...rear-ended into a guard rail and watched a semi come barrelling at me....

yes, that kind of thing kinda changes a view on driving in bad weather...

anywho, I'm at work, wishing I had brought my camera to take pictures because really and truly...IT.IS.BEAUTIFUL. So beautiful and as long as I'm sitting still, watching it...it puts me at ease and it is so calming. But...I do not have my camera because we have had games every night this week and my camera batteries died on me last night. :-/

Nothing much else to report except its the weekend although this weekend will be just as busy as any work week in my book...what about yours??? do you have anything planned? too much planned? nothing planned( which trust me...I love weekends like that)? No matter what, go out and enjoy it. and when I say 'go out' I dont mean to make plans (although if you want to, thats okay, too) but make an effort to enjoy your life...your God-given blessed life to enjoy every second, every breathe, every smile, every hug, every kiss....EVERY NAP!...everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G

"The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life
and elevating them to an art." - William Morris



***afterthought...I didnt watch the Grammy's this year but I purposely made an effort to check out youtube for Pink's performance....like Beth mentions...it was a soulful performance that made me catch my breath...and I keep being drawn to the video, the song and the words...I put the video on my blog (only for the weekend) and will take it off come Sunday night but I really just had to share...

stay blessed. stay at peace and above all else....

!LIVE!

Trying to get some semblance of order in my photo's...deleting and tagging. You name it. I seem to be on a purging kick again...trying to de-clutter(is that a word???) odds and ends...and right now the odds and ends of my photo's is high on my list, LOL I love this photo....dont know why. I look at it and it reminds me of wishes, dreams, being a kid, no worries.....fun times. Peaceful times.

I hope everyone had a blessed wonderful Thanksgiving. Full of family, friends, and lots of food. I have been off work for 4 days and it was HELL…HELL I tell you to roll my booty out of bed this morning to get ready for work. I think a new law should be that when you have been off work for at least 3 days that the next time you go into work, that day you only have to go in at 11 and then leave at 2 and it counts for a full 8 or 10 hour shift. Yeah…I need to get onto President Elect Obama for that one.
~
Something has crawled up in my car and died. I have no clue where this funky smell is currently in my car. No, I haven’t cleaned it out to find out (I’m scarey like that) but I’m wishing that eventually it just ups and walks away on its own.
~
I don’t drink very often but when I do…I drink hard. I do believe I have been drinking for 4 days strait. Lawrence thought for sure I would throw up at some point or at least have a hangover or headache but no. I’m a champ. He’s not used to that other side of me. I think he’s scared.
~
I love Thanksgiving. Maybe more than Christmas. There’s usually more family around. Seems like more love is in the air. When I go back home, I run into some one who says ‘you haven’t changed A BIT!!!’ and I’m thinking ‘ummm yeah…I weighed 150 pounds in high school’ and then I’m trying to remember who the hell this person is hugging me in the gas station. But I love it. Christmas has gotten so commercial and every year, I make a vow that THIS YEAR will be different. That my kids will REALLY understand and feel the meaning of Christmas. I’ve started putting up decorations even though we probably wont have a tree (AGAIN) this year. But trust….you will know its Christmas.
~
Things continuously broke on me this weekend. My curling iron went caput on me. I mean…smoke curling, hair sizzling, caput. And yes, after I seen it was smoking I still touched the damn thing to make sure. Yeah…whiskey is NOT my friend. Then we bought the movie Hancock. Could NOT get it to work so I returned it 5 times (not the same actual dvd…different ones). The last time, I do believe they thought I was crazy. I guess me saying through clenched teeth to the poor customer service girl ‘FIND A DVD PLAYER AND PUT IT IN THERE, NOWWWWWWWW!!’ didn’t help matters much. Again, boys and girls….whiskey is NOT my friend. Then I blew up my parents microwave. I’m still trying to figure that one out. I was reheating a plate of pie (gotta have it hot for the whipped cream), took it out to test it and it was fine so I closed the door and was just going to let the time run out. Took two steps away from the microwave when someone yelled and I turned and things were on and popping in the microwave. Burnt a hole in the side of it. Quess what Mom and Dad??? You all get a microwave for Christmas.
~
Okoye has a game in Rolla Missouri tonight and Jalil has practice tonight. Urgh…this is when I wish the boys father didn’t work nights. I hate it when one of them don’t have at least one parent for an event. I’ve decided to stay in town to shuttle Jalil around and told Okoye and he was fine with it but why do I feel like a bad parent? I kept texting Okoye ‘R U sure?’ finally he was like ‘MOM!’ I guess apart of me wanted him to beg me to find away to the game….I’m sick and have issues. I know this. And knowing is half the battle.

My dad was in the hospital a couple weeks ago for a blockage. I was sitting with him to give my mom so time and we were watching a marathon of Judge Something or Other’s on TV. All of a sudden, he was flipping channels almost freakin’ out. It was time for Charmed to come on. My dad LOVES Charmed. He watches the rerun’s religiously TWICE a day. All of us tease him about it but that does not stop him from planning his day by when that show comes on. So we are searching trying to find the show and once we found it, he settled back, content with the remote on his belly. I shook my head and kept reading my book. It was pretty quiet so I could vaguely hear the show but I could hear the nurses at their station, the bleeping of his monitors and something ticking in the background when he quietly said ‘that’s you’. I glanced up at him and he’d never taken his eyes off the TV. I looked at the TV and one of the actresses was on. I watched her for about 20 seconds and I smiled because…yeah…she was me. He did that with the other two actresses. Just as quiet. Just as matter of fact. Each character reminded him of me and my sisters. We’ve been teasing him all this time about his favorite show and his favorite show is his favorite show because it reminds him of his daughters.
~
OH! I remembered why I mentioned my office getting new carpet ( from yesterdays post )…in order to do that, they have to dismantle all the cubicles so we are packing up personal stuff. Its like going down memory lane! My pictures, I’ve taken down but here are some pictures of the stuff I have on my walls….as you see, the items are things my boys have done in school and day care. Ummmm my boys are 15 and 13. Yes, there are fingerpaintings, cut out snowflakes, stick figures pictures that includes daddie, etc. Getting where I’m going here??? Its been years YEARS since my boys have done finger painting. Years since they used stick figures. And 5 years since their daddy and I have been married. Yeah….its time to take some stuff home. BUT ITS SO CUTE!!!! Just something for those out there with younger kids... If you keep their art work, I suggest putting dates on the back of them. Some of this stuff I’m going to put into scrapbooks and I know its going to be a bugger to put a time line on them.
~

I seen coworker/friend at a gas station last night. When I was standing at the pump, pumping my BLOOD and life into my gas tank, this huge Yukon pulled up, too close to me, and laid on the horn. I don’t respond to yells, catcalls, my name being SCREAMED out in public nor do I respond to honks. Anywho, the driver gives up and goes to a parking spot and then I start to worry if I just made a huge mistake because we all know, sometimes idiots can be dangerous. Anyway it was my coworker/friend who I haven’t seen in a minute. We hugged,laughed, talked and she was pretty shocked that I had cut my hair. And I quote ‘girl you know you don’t do hair….’ But she loved it and kept running her fingers in it. I got a HUGE problem with that. Unless you are my hair stylist, I don’t like peoples hands in my hair. Just a thing with me. Not my kids, babies, not my man..well, take that ONE back…I like that but you get my drift…NO HANDS IN MY HAIR!! But it still surprised me that I have NO HAIR ON MY NECK!!!!
~
You know those credit card offers you get in the mail? How personal do you take those? A friend of mine who is going through some down times asked if I had any laying around and if so, could she use one to try to apply for a credit card. At first I told her yeah, that soon as I’d get one in the mail I’d let her know. Normally I shred them and throw them away soon as I find them in the mail but okay, yeah. Well, the more I thought about it, I just don’t know. Not that I think she would use my info, nor that she could for that matter but would she destroy it properly and all bunch of other issues bother me. I don’t have the best credit but I’m in the middle of trying to rebuild it and don’t want nothing messing it up.
~

Big debate question for the masses....do you believe a cat can steal a babys' breath or soul?

~

Happy weekend everybody....

Don't ask me why I put this picture on here...I have no clue. Well really I do but I will leave that up to your imagination....

****

School is in session and it's been a beyotch to get into the grove (insert old school Madonna in here). My oldest is pretty nervous about school. I can raise my hand and take the blame for that. Last year, in the 8th grade, we had to sit down and talk and decide ultimately, tentatively, what he wanted to do after he graduated from high school. We had to plan his course curriculum for high school because his plan (and ours)has always been for him to go to college and so he wanted to take prep courses for that. Well those courses, or some of those courses, you had to have another course to have THOSE courses. So I stressed to him that this is the big leagues buddy and you betta buckle down and do the due. Yeah, intimidation is a great tool as a parent. Try it.

***

My baby is nervous. When he talks to me about his day, he's nervous. When he volunteers information, he's nervous. I'm trying to be reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal calm with it and tell him that its just the beginning of the school year, he's got to get into the flow and once he does, everything will flow into place. Another tool as a parent is bullishting until you REALLY feel it. I know if I don't get him locked into a routine he will flounder so that has been why I haven't really posted a lot.

***

Maybe the reason I posted that pic is because lately, topics of conversation have centered around sex this week. Just different topics. S&M. Mundane. Exciting. Just silly stuff that Shelly and I will talk about. Except this week we've included one of our Supervisors into the dialogue...Can we say sexual harassment boys and girls???

***

I can not stand when I'm on the phone with someone and all of a sudden, the definite sound of a toilet flushing or fluids hitting fluids, or any other SOUND comes across the air waves! If that happens I will put you on blast in a heartbeat but what ASTOUNDS me is when I go into a public bathroom, a government professional building and someone is talking on the phone while peeing!!!! WTF. Stop the madness ya'll. I am NOT a prude by any means but c'mon ya'll does anyone else have a problem with this????

***

NEW BLOG ALERT!!NEW BLOG ALERT!!! Check it out.....

***

Another thing I want to add to my bucketlist is going on a cruise. A long one. By myself.

***

I so am drooling over this camera. I VANT VONE SOOOOOOOOOOOO VAD! Or this one....

*****

A picture of my babies...JUST BECAUSE! Don't they look so pleased on the first day of school??

Yes, I STILL take pictures on the first day of school and will continue on and on and on.....

I can not get enough sleep this week! I came home last night and my ex was over visiting with the boys, spoke to everyone, layed on the couch and the next thing I know, the ex was saying he was leaving. It was 2 hours later! When I’m tired, I know when I get home from work not to even sit down … I usually have this or that to do and sitting down means there is a definite possibility, it won’t get done. Hmmm maybe this was in my evil plan…

Needless to say, we had hamburger helper for dinner last night. My boys are pretty good eaters. So hamburger helper…is just an appetizer for them. Within a couple hours I heard the microwave going and the oven door slamming as they prepared pizza’s, frozen dinners and popcorn to tide them over to the next feeding….which reminds me…

Gas money is cutting into my damn grocery bill!!!! This pisses me off greatly. ( you’re probably wondering WHAT doesn’t piss you off????) I am a coupon cutting, penny pinching, list making diva and food is one thing that, you know, we have to have. I don’t buy exotic things. I don’t get steaks, lean cuts, or expensive drinks and such. I am your basic food group eater. When I have to take out a loan to buy a gallon of milk, something is wrong.

I have nothing planned this weekend and that suits me just fine. The ex is off this weekend so more than likely the kids will be him. we’ve been divorced for 4, 5, ummm maybe 6 years and we have never did our schedule mandated by the court. He works as a supervisor over security in a mental hospital and his shift changes with the wind most times so whenever he wants to see the kids (which is usually every day), he does. No arguments from me. I really have a problem with a piece of paper telling when the father of my children can see his kids. When we came up with the parenting schedule, I voiced my thoughts on it and had to put something down but told my ex in front of the attorneys to come get his kids whenever the hell he wanted to see them. Needless to say neither of our attorney’s were too happy with their clients by the time our divorce was final.

How I got into that topic…I have no clue.

I have two completely different son’s and one of them is driving me crazy with the wants and wishes of his hearts content. Its like I want to scream at him DUDE!!!! If it weren’t for child labor laws, I’d of have your booty working for all the stuff you’ve wanted when you was 8. Both of them are the most under-privileged privilieged kids I know. Both of them want the moon but get mad when they only get the stars…or is it get mad when they want the stars but only get the moon? In any case, its never enough. My oldest child has this affliction worse than my youngest does and I'm in search of some really good medicine to cure him....

Have a wonderful weekend!

Hollyhock is such a strange name for such a pretty flower...

Can you see the bee?

Not a bee but a fly...

Now that's a big azz bee...

andddddddddddddd two lil bitty sorry tomatoes on my vine....geez

Just another day...

Its going to be a bad day when you go into the restroom at work and it looks like someone…some idiot….some demented sick stupid punk or punks…squirted his (their) bodily fluids all over the freakin’ mirror then smeared it from one end of the mirror to the other….geez sometimes it doesn’t pay to even get out of bed.

Good news! My hair dresser is BACK! YEAH…and no, I did not strap her to a set of wheels and push her to the sink…she is healthy and she looks great and oh…MY HAIR FEELS WONDERFUL! Looks pretty good too but the important think is it feels healthy again. Told her my desire to cut it off lately and she said to wait…I feel like if I wait, the bravery will past and she said that is what she is thinking. I’m beginning to think she doesn’t want to cut my hair…hmmmm. Whoever said that all stylist want to cut cut cut hair…are wrong.

( I guess it would help to know what happened with the girl who does my hair...check it out here)

Twiddling thumbs things....

borrowed from Sonrie


1. What is your occupation right now? government worker
2.What color are your socks right now? None
3. What are you listening to right now? Absolutely nothing and its heavenly
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Almost a can of green beans and corn on the cob.
5. Dream car? Ummm dont really care.long as i get to where I'm going, with no problems...I'm all good.
6.Last person you spoke to on the phone? My niece
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? She didnt really send it too me I just took it from her..I like her.
8. How old are you? 37 I havent really hit the point of caring about my age.
9.What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? basketball baby...all the way.
10. What is your favorite drink? water
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? yepper
12. Favorite food? Sound crazy but green beans.
13. What is the last movie you watched? good Lord, Cant remember...I almost think it was Die Harder or something like that
14. Favorite cologne on a man? The best smell on a man...is soap.
15. How do you vent anger? I dont...which is probably the majority of my problems.
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? dirt, rocks and sticks...seriously folks. give me those things and i would play for hours...HOURS.
17. What is your favorite season?Spring
18.. Cherries or Blueberries? hate to make things difficult but how about strawberries
19. Favorite dog breed?Rottweiler, of course
20. How many states have you lived in? two
21. Diamonds or pearls?sorry to be difficult AGAIN but neither...I'm a silver girl.
22. What is your favorite flower? lillies

Just Another Day...

It is summer time. And it is hot. Very hot. And its only 90 freaking degree's. And its hot. And its only the 5th day of summer. And its hot.

Can you tell...I dont like summer. And I dont like heat.

A mother who lives down the street from me called me at work today to ask if our electricity was off. I said 'I'm at work....' hint hint hint. She said 'oh I know I was just wondering...' And then sat there still waiting on the answer....'ummmmmmmm let me CALL HOME and find out.' Meaning....wtf are you calling me at work to ask me what's going on in your own damn neighborhood....'

She didnt catch my SOS warning...Sound of a Sista flipping out....

Do you ever sit and do things and then wonder why the heck are you just sitting there watch things going on...likkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke Miyagi sitting on my couch chewing up YET another shoe....

Great...I guess I have to move.....

Rainy Dayz...

It’s a rainy day today…contrary to public opinion…I love rainy days. Something about being forced into solitude. Right now, I want nothing more than to be at home, on my couch, gazing out my window wrapped in my green blankie deep in thought. But alas, I’m stuck here at work. Supposed to be working and yet, I blog. Even if I went home, I wouldn’t get any solitude, my son, O’s, only request for his birthday was to have a BBQue but we couldn’t have it on his birthday so we had it last night. Two boys ended up spending the night so I would end up listening to them all day. No solitude there…

FYI: My brain was in low gear and I couldn’t think of the word solitude…it kept thinking of solidarity so I had to look up the word solitude and found out that splendiferous is actually a word…HA! Wasn’t there an old rap song about that?

Nothing much going on this weekend. L has a camp/drill thing to do this weekend. The boys will work in the yard which really…there’s not much to do since the major over haul of last week, I will clean in the house which there isn’t much to do since they are on summer vacation and they clean everyday. We are supposed to go out for drinks on Saturday which bums me out. I mean really... Its in Columbia which is going to take gas money and time to look cute and get there…I’m already in a foul mood about going. And then Fathers day. I’ve told Kerry that the boys can be with him, rather he takes me up on it..that’s another story but I will be with my dad on Father’s Day.

QUESTION: There is someone that, come every Father’s Day, send me a text or card for Father’s Day. His explanation is that I’m a both the mother AND the father. When I told him that they have a father, a very active father, who is daily, in their lives, he just shrugs and sends another txt or card the following year. Thoughts on this?

I’ve taken a few pictures the past couple of days, will post later but for now, have a safe weekend…