My sweetie Jalil got his first job!   He is over the MOON.  I'm over the moon...well a little bit  :-)

He's growing up so fast.....How does 17 years fly in 2 years???   It seems like it he was just turning 13 and at that time...over the moon about being a teenager.

I worry.  I worry about EVERYTHING.   It comes from a lifetime of PREparing him for every little moment of his life. I've spent the last 11 years knowing what his next 3 steps were going to be so that he can manuever through life a little easier and now...as we all know when you have a job with the public, anything can happen.  Right now his excitement over 'growing up'  is taking over the knowledge that surprises will come up when you have a job but like always, I've got an on-going dialque going

"Just take deep breathe's"
"ASK questions."
"Write it down if you have too"
"PAY ATTENTION."
"Focus on what is being said"

These are prompts that hopefully, will be recorded in his mind and he will be able to replay as his day goes by.  Something for him to draw from when he gets overwhelmed.

The best part about it is, his older brother got him the job.  His older brother will be training him.  From the time I was pregnant with Jalil, Okoye had it in his  2 year old head that he was his brother's keeper.  He used to rub my stomach and talk to him in some sort of  language and then tap my belly, smile really big and walk away with this expression of 'okay, we got that strait.'   When I had Jalil, there was never a point of jealousy.  When Jalil went through a stage of having his own language, Okoye  understood him.  And when their father and I got divorced,  without prompting, he just stepped and decided crazily that he was Jalil's protector.  Their connection is a gift from God.  When Okoye was 16, he asked me why Jalil was 'different'.  Not because HE seen it but because someone else had asked him.  ( The anger and heartbreak from that is another post for another day). 

To him...he's just Jalil.  No different.  Just Jalil.

*I wasnt going to go into all this on this post.  I was just going to write the first two paragraphs but the rest just flowed.  I guess I had to get it out somewhere.

my youngest is a father...

well...he was for the weekend.

he is in a class where he gets to play daddy to a very life-like baby over the weekend

it was interesting to say the least....

365

everyday is a day to be thankful....

i am so blessed to have two teenage son's that are NOT ashamed to take pictures with their momma :-)

Jalil....he reminds me so much of his dad....he looks like him...he walks like him...BUT...

he has my personality.

DO YOU EVER LOOK AT YOUR KIDS AND WONDER, PRAY, HOPE that you are doing the right things by them...

That you're not raising kids that are going to end up on Oprah (well, I guess that isnt an option anymore), Dr Phil or heaven forbid Maury's show talking about how 'mama ruined me when I was little!'

or your raising some kid that's going to be Freddie Krueger, the Seed of Chuckie or Damien...

urgh...

hurts my heart so..

no worries...dont worry folks...neither kid is exhibiting any psychotic break...just a mama with a lot on her mind

*Jalil on his last day of middle school 2007





Friday was the last day of school for both of the boys. Since Jalil had got his exams done earlier in the day, we asked if he could get out of school early so he could go watch their cousin graduate. After the graduation, we all (minus Okoye...he had a French final exam he couldnt get out of or move around) planned on going out to eat and then stopping by the boys old elementary school.



The reason we wanted to stop by was we had heard that the principal, which was the same principal the boys had when they were enrolled there, was retiring. The boys LOVED this elementary school. LOVED.IT. And I did, too. When you drop your kids off anywhere but especially school, and you have no qualms about their safety or education, you know you are blessed.



Soon as we got to the school, Jalil jumped out and was gone. By the time I got to the office, I didnt see no part of Jalil anywhere. I tapped on the little partion window to the office and the receptionist turned around and gave this huge grin. I whispered to her 'Do you remember me?'. She let out a loud laugh, clapped her hands and said 'Of course I do! Who could forget the Washington family! GET IN HERE!"





I walked around to the doorway and walked in. While we were talking Mrs Haerble, the principal, came out of her back office, talking to someone. I stood quietly and waited for her to finish and when she did she looked up at me and her mouth dropped open. 'Oh my God!!! What are YOU doing here!' and she quickly grabbed me and pulled me into her for a tight hug. I felt the tears coming but I refused to let them fall. You see, Mrs Haerble was the teacher who went to bat for us for SO many thngs. She made it so that whatever Jalil needed for his curriculum would be part of the EVERYDAY classroom (when things couldnt be approved or didnt go with the guidelines she had the teacher put it as part of the curriculum for EVERYONE). She actually made it even possible for the boys to go to school since we werent even in that district ( one year...the district had met its quota for transfer students for the year but when my boys came up somehow...they were allowed to go there).



Mrs Haerble is just that kind of principal.



anyway...I told her that we had come up to congratulate on her retirement but I also wanted to tell her thank you. I wanted to thank her for everything she had done for us and that we would always love her. Of course...the tears were flowing then. She...of course was asking where her 'boys' were.

When she seen Jalil she just reached up and grabbed him by the face and said 'Jalil!!! oh my Jalil' and just kept kissing his cheeks over and over again. He laughed and hugged her back and so it began. Once we moved out in the hall...his old teachers and some of Okoye's teachers, recognized us and came over to hug him.


"you are growing up!'


'you are so handsome'


'you are such a good looking young man'


Over and over someone stopped by and to grab him to hug him. AND they said his name right (most people say Juhleel instead JAlil).


Finally he asked where Mrs Bounds was. (Mrs Bounds was the first person, outside of the family, to ever REALLY get him. She loved him in the way that she was his cheerleader but she was also on his butt when he did wrong or he didnt live up to his potential. AND she was his 3rd grade teacher. ) Mrs. Haerble told him she was down the hall so we watched him take off down that way. I seen Mrs Bounds step out of a classroom and she looked down the hallway (away from our direction) and then she looked back the other way (towards us). She did a double take and she said 'Jalil Washington!!!! 'cmere!!!!!!!!!' and they jogged too each other.

(Mrs Bounds has said they every teacher has one...that ONE student that touches them and they remember them, no matter what, their whole teaching career. Jalil was her's. And I believe her. In the deepest part of my heart...I know she loves him like a mother would.)


She was crying. I was crying. Mrs Haerble was crying. It was really like some out of body experience I was witnessing because looking at my son I realized how important acceptance and unconditional love, IS to him. He shined so brightly....he was glowing...he was talking...he was having MULTIPLE conversations. It was a beautiful moment.


When we finally left, we were stopped 3 more times for hugs, but by the last one...as we walked away...I could see his chest heaving. I quietly told him to breathe...breathe...it was okay. But by the time we got to the car he was sobbing. He could not believe that people actually loved him that much. That people like him. He knew they would remember Okoye ( who is larger than life sometimes) but he could not believe that people , who didnt HAVE to love him...did. Deeply. He was shocked that they remember his name let alone say it correctly. And that feeling of acceptance, he felt so much raw emotion from it...it hurt.


so for you teachers in blog land...if you ever feel like you just cant reach a student or you have no impact on a child or that parent...I'm here to tell you...yes...you do. And we are eternally grateful.

my sweet Jalil...now this is a face i could photograph all day...

and he's sweet enough to let me do it...

He's got Pretty Boy Swag....

Jalil, my baby is growing up WAY to fast for my taste but what mother does NOT say that??? Well count me in one of the millions...

Here lately he has QUITE the social calender...he went and spent the night with someone FOR THE FIRST TIME EVVVVVVVVER...he's went to the movies with a couple friends AND he's walked up to a couple young ladies and held conversations with them. Done this and STILL managed to get all A's and B's...

LIFE...is pretty good, ya'll

We had a pretty quiet weekend...I like that. My oldest stayed busy with work and hanging out with friends a couple times. My youngest and I kinda just did whatever we felt like doing. we hung out in my bedroom, downstairs, at stores/mall and then we got this desire to go for a nature walk (which really means, I want to take pictures) so we did just that...

With everything going on with my oldest...sadly a lot of people's minds have been on him instead of the fact that my youngest graduates from middle school on Tuesday. Yes, folks he will be a high-schooler...urgh...my stomach just knotted up....okay whewwwwwwwwww woo-sa..back on topic...anyway...we went for a walk and he stayed with me at first but after several times of him running ahead then coming back to me I finally told him 'Go sweetie...just stay on the trail and come back to me. You'll be fine...' and he was.

Whew...sorta like life...



yes folks...he has his pj's on...remember I said we just decided to go for a walk..we'll we really did JUST DECIDED to go for a walk. hopped in the car and we were gone.


there was a bunch of logs chopped off and a couple stumps so he decided to jump on them...i'm telling you...boys!

i love his personality... i so do.

ya'll know i cant do this without my blossom photo's...c'mon now...

i think at this point we both heard something in the woods and his steps started getting slower ...mine got a little quicker until we were near each other.... yes...we are both scaredy-cats, LOL

i think i want a water display somewhere in my yard...but with a cat and dog...I dont know how clean I would be able to keep it. besides the OBVIOUS of them using it for a place to use the bathroom, I'm sure they would drink out of it and that doggy/cat slobber cant be good for water fountains...

i so want to do a Naturescape. Just using plants and flowers native to Missouri...with them being native one would think that they have a better survival rate, right? And then I want something to attract nature...well...as long as the 'nature' wasnt snakes, mice, raccoons or frogs...

and this was the end of our trail. kinda cool...

*my oldest is doing a little better. he has the usual...lost appetite, little boy/young male bravado, trouble sleeping and every once in awhile the emotional outburst. we've gotten wind of some information (I"m sure everyone can figure out what it is) that is heartbreaking for him but i told him nothing good comes out of being vengeful...and trust me, I keep saying that to myself. Terminator Momma is buried under my skin and she's rearing to come out but me fighting his battles is NOT going to do him any good.

if i say that enough times...I WILL LIVE IT AND BELIEVE IT

:-)

It is May! I am hoping that adage is true…you know…April showers brings May flowers…

At the beginning of the month I try to get all my calendars to coincide with my datebook calendar. ( yes…I still have a datebook…something about the actual writing of stuff down feels soooo much better to me….) Jalil’s got a lot of stuff going on this month because this is his last year of middle school. We’ve got the fun stuff of parties, ceremonies, trips…good stuff. *sigh* my baby is growing up…

Last week we had his last IEP meeting…to get started on a plan for his freshman year. This time he opted to go for the meeting…usually he doesn’t but I am so glad he did. The counselors and I had originally thought a paraprofessional was not needed but now, we are thinking he does need one. At least for the beginning of the school year. Jalil spoke up…and very politely informed us that he did not want one. That he wanted to try it on his own….there was silence and then everyone looked to me.

Jalil does not handle changes very well…when he was first diagnosed (with not being able TO BE diagnosed….a LONG, hard story for another day) a doctor from the University had already started us in learning behavior modifications to help Jalil succeed. One of those modifications is to prepare him for every little detail that we can. The schools have done a lot in helping with this but I do a lot on the home front as well. Lately, what I’ve started doing is preparing him for the fact that life will and can change on you in a heartbeat and its best to just slow down, stay calm and have the courage to keep on. In this meeting…he did just that and it brought tears to my eyes…

He’s is so strong and he has the courage that took me years to develop.

And I let him know…right there in front of everyone (teenage embarrassment be damned!) how incredibly proud of him I was and how much I loved him. I respected his opinion but I asked him to listen to my opinion. After I gave it to him and the counselors added that the paraprofessional was not going to be glued to his side ALL the time (which I think that was what bothered him) and she would not be there for only him, he ‘relented’ and agreed. Kinda grown up of him I think ….

In any case…the month of May is going to be a rollercoaster and then some so I may be posted several times a day….bare with me, ya’ll….

*It is Love Thursday over there at Chookooloonks and so I am posting these photos here….

Now these are not the best photo by any means but I love them. I smile every time they come up on my screen saver because there is love in these two blurry out of focus shots…


It was taken at a wedding last year and in the photo is my mom in the middle of my two sons and they are doing the Electric Slide (or the Bus Stop depending on who you are or where you are from). Can you see their smiles? It took a minute for my two to catch onto the steps but once they did they were having a blast…they laughed….cracked jokes on each other….even got a little booty wiggle here and there.....

Can you see the stiffness in Jalil, my youngest son on the left? He does not dance. Not in public in any case. He pretty much does not like crowds or loud noise but for this, he had a blast albeit..stiffly, LOL. Can you see the ease and confidence of my oldest son on the right? Line dance’s are not his thing but boy….he was having all blast. Two boys , who for most occasions will not dance in public, got up in a room of strangers and DID dance all because their Nana asked them too….

All of this was brought on by the love they all share between them and I am so very blessed because of it…

jalil and i a couple years ago doing a self portrait....




Lord, please watch out for my baby...lead him in his decisions and lead those he has contact with to see the essence of JALIL and respect and love it...

Snow Dayz

I got this from a blog I read....cant remember who but I have it taped to my cubicle wall at work. I read it several times a day...almost as a life line so I thought I'd share...if it was YOUR blog that I got it from...say something! LOL...but really, for whomever posted it, thank you. I needed it when I printed it and I need it now, today, tomorrow and forever more until I get it right.....


Promise yourself to be strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything & make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best & expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side as long as you are true to the best that is in you!


~Christian D Larson.

This boy has no idea how much I love to see this smile...THIS smile always give's me strength. Gives me purpose....He's having fun and that means the world to me

******

I love it that instead of hanging with a bunch of their friends they wanted to go eat lunch with us old folks. I love it that they have so much fun just being kids. I love it that they probably spent about 20 bucks paying for these little pieces of fake mustache/sideburns ( look closely...you can see them) but it was better than any $70 xbox 360 game. I love that, for now, at least they are happy being silly and being kids. And I also love it that they are mine....

The boys have been back in school for a week now and so far things are good. We are getting into a schedule and routine without any bumps and hiccups in the road and I LOVE THAT.

The boys both had to have sports physical’s again so yesterday and today I was late coming into work to get them done. Luckily our family doctor opens at 7 for appointments so I could get them done without them having to get out of school. I was late for work but that I can deal with that. This year, Okoye opted to not have me in the room for the testicular exam. I don’t know rather to be sad about it or not. Up until the second she said ‘okay, now comes the part of the Testicular exam and you can have your mom stay or have one of the nurses come in…’ he had said he wanted me there but then, when she asked, he said ‘I’d rather have a nurse….’. I sat open mouthed for a second but hopped up and waited outside.

SIDEBAR… I find it hilarious that doctors try to make pap smears and testicular exams sound like a helluva party when in truth…its not so much…

Because of diabetes being prevalent in my history they always get blood work along with ketone checks and the ketone check checked out, now we are just waiting on the blood labs. Jalil has a slight curvature of his spine that we have to have looked at (already have the appointment set up), Okoye has gained 10 pounds and a ½ inch in height while Jalil has lost 2 pounds but grew 1 ½ inches. Other than that, everything is checking out. A no one drank out of the urine cup! I’ll have to tell that story one day…

GOOSEBUMPS…why does the song Butterfly Kisses (Bob Carlisle) still gives me goosebumps???? Especially the one with all the voice overs…Good Lord, I feel the tears coming

HUNG-OVER…have you ever felt so tired you feel like you have serious hangover??? Man… Okoye’s girlfriend had a party for her 16th birthday and my boys went for that. Then Jalil had a bbq for his birthday so I feel like I am in hormone overload from all the teenagers that I was around this weekend. All the high pitched giggling from the teenage girls trying to get the attention of the boys, all the boys trying to be manily men for the teenage girls, the food, the music…urgh…this is WORSE than a hangover



Lacey's Birthday Party....filled with that stringy crap that you squirt out of a can...




that would be Okoye in the middle of the circle.....getting ready to dance.......or really dancing...that boy loves to dance


*sigh*....Mama.....she is Beyonce and my dad is Jay Z....and you wonder where I get my craziness....

my baby's birthday cake...the cake that when i went to get it...they couldnt find it...the one that we had to wait for about 45 minutes for them to find and when they did, they only charged us for a quarter sheet cake instead of half a sheet cake.

CREEPS…I can admit that I am a paranoid ninny at times but do you ever get freaked out when you get a FRIEND request on FACEBOOK from a complete stranger? None of her ‘NETWORKING’ groups come even close to me. The only thing I can think of is a friend posted one of my photo’s on her wall and maybe its from that but I gotta say…it’s freaking me out

DELICIOUS…a coworker made breakfast quiche for the office and it was sooooooo good! Nothing like spinach and eggs to start a day

SOUNDTRACK…does anyone remember the show Ally McBeal? It was the show about about the unisex rest-room......well, okay that was not what it was all about but that was one of the things I remember most about the show. The other thing I remember was the episode about having a soundtrack for your life. Everyone should have one. Well, lately what wax I imagine to be rotating as I work my way through life is ‘I Gotta Feeling’ by the Black Eyed Peas…. Now THAT song makes me finger snapping head bobbing happy.

This week we had a previous governor pass. In honor of him, there was a 'lie in state' visitation/memorial at the Capitol (across the street from where I work) and following that,his funeral. These soldiers were part of the Artiliary Squad ( I hope I got that right) and it was their duty to fire the canons after the service. Before the services this group was lounging around the the Capitol but all went to this monument and stood for the longest time and it gave me goosebumps because they were reading the Ten Commandments..... Can we really have a division of Church and State
Does anyone remember the movie BeBe's Kids????? It was the late Robin Harris' movie, animated? The rapper Tone Loc (Letzzzzzzz do it) was the voice for the chunky baby boy that walked around in a diaper??? This little pile of cuteness reminds me of that character so freakin' much!!! He talks in this gargle baby chatter and its always random. Our first meeting I got onto him because he walked up to me and tried to grab a bottle of water out of my hands and after that...he steered pretty clear of me. Two weeks later (the day of this picture) I took him and his brother to the park to play and they had such a blast. So much that when I took this picture, he was walking to me to give me a random big hug...no smiles...just a hug. I guess that was his way of saying 'you alright with me....'

That's Jalil in the front, Okoye is on the right side, chasing the little boy that's on the left side of the picture. Nothing special accept I do believe this is the first picture I've taken of my new car. Say hello to the folks BB (Burgundy Berry). And yes, I name my cars...sue me

*sigh*...first day of school shots...and they are growing up so fast....i dont care if its the last year of college, I WILL get a first day of school shot every YEAR....bite me

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Jalil!

Today is my babies 14 birthday….I do believe I will make it through the day. I know I can. Well…I think I can. But this smile…right here…makes my day, my life so much better. Even when I’m getting on him about something, he can flash it and even though I’m getting on him, I’m laughing, smiling telling him ‘stop it. Right this instant!’ People think Okoye have me wrapped around his finger…whew… you have no idea.

This was their first day at being at a public daycare...tomorrow is the first day of school....sigh....it goes by entirely too fast