* I am in love with sunsets.......

Sleep is not my friend lately so I usually wake up around 1 or 2am. I’m not the type to lay in bed and toss and turn. I only associated my bed with sleep and ummmmm other activities, so if I don’t fall back to sleep, I get up. So last night I got up and watched a movie. Does anyone remember the movie American President? It starred Michael Douglas and Annette Benning and it was about, of course, Michael Douglas playing the President of the United States. Its an old movie, probably from the 90’s. Anywho, I love that movie. I love watching it mainly because I they show scenes of DC and a few years back, I went to DC. But its also a good story. Sorta romance which normally, I’m a kill, whodunit, space alien kinda movie watcher.

* you know, I love old movies. You know, the black and white one’s. How do you classify movies that are old in the sense of say maybe 10 years as compared to OLD movies that are black and white???? Get what I’m saying?? They are not really old movies but they are old movies. Lord….I need a full night sleep.

I was watching the movie, getting all nostalgic. I really want to go visit DC and spend longer than a weekend. I would love to take the boys. The boys love to look at my pictures from them, even though the picture are HORRIBLE. Even though, they still want to go. That is another item for my bucketlist….to take the boys to DC and Baltimore. I want to take them to the Inner Harbor, the Smithsonian, and the underwater Tunnel. Hell just walking around DC can take all day. Yep, a bucketlist wish for sure…

This year has really flown by. It seems like just a month ago it was 4th of July and here it is New Year’s Eve. I’ve had an okay year but thinking back I realize that I really haven’t been living for awhile. I’ve been maintaining and as I said on Adrienne’s blog…just surviving. I don’t want to do that anymore. God didn’t bring me this far for me to just be a bump on the path of life. I hope everyone is with loved ones rather they are family or friends. Or friends that have become family. My heart breaks when I imagine people alone on holidays. I’ve been alone at a holiday and I would never wish that on my worst enemy. Be careful if you are traveling and even if you are home. Sometime’s crazy comes knocking at your door. But most importantly, stay at peace.

*Edit! I am nearly in tears...Jodie...Jodie...JODIE!!! You are so freakin' sweet....

I did something very stupid. Something that if you seen it on the news or read about it in a paper you would shake your head at and think ‘stupid ass!’.

Last night, around 10:30, I woke up to Miyagi barking. Both of the boys were still up so I asked one of them to check on Miyagi down in the garage. Once Okoye went down I got up myself and headed downstairs but met Okoye half way down the stairs. When I asked him what it was he shrugged his shoulders and said nothing that he could see so I headed back to bed.

All of a sudden I wake up to the door bell ringing. When I seen it was 11:12 my first thought was that it was one of my niece’s. I was groggy so I was having trouble putting on my pj pants, hopping around with one leg in, one leg out when I stumbled into Okoye standing in my door way. He said ‘mom, it’s a crazy looking white dude!’ I’m still struggling with my pants when the doorbell rings again then several knocks.

I go down the steps and then stupid ass me cracks the door open. He says to call 911 and that its an emergency…immediately my mind goes to the horror stories of women who fall for the ‘car breaking down story’ and I grab the door tighter and pray that my glass outside door is locked (we are talking through the glass). I said I will and he said ‘tell them to come here and pick me up. there’s an emergency at….’ And he gives an address that’s about quarter of a mile away. I try to summon up some sort of bravado and I said I am calling the police RIGHT NOW’ to which he nodded. About that time Miyagi lets out a growl that made the hairs on the back of my hair stand up. Miyagi bumped me from behind so I moved to the side a little so he could see him, which he did so I closed the door and locked both locks on the inside door.

I told Okoye to get the phone. When he did, I heard my outside door open and then he tried the door knob. I yelled through the door that I was calling the police and he yelled back ‘call 911!’ I yelled ‘I’m calling the police!’ and he yelled again ‘its an emergency! Tell them to pick me up here!’. So Okoye gets the phone and I call 911. I’m telling the lady everything and I hear her typing away and then she stopped and asked ‘is that him?’ Because he was outside yelling to call the police. I said yes and she asked if I knew him. I told her no and she said okay, I’m dispatching squad cars out. I hung up with her and felt very overwhelmed. And stupid. Before I could call Lawrence, my phone rang. It was dispatcher .

She asked if I could give her a description so I gave her a description. By this time Jalil had a butcher knife, Okoye had a baseball bat and Miyagi was pacing and growling. I called Lawrence and told him what was going on. He couldn’t believe how loud the guy was yelling. He asked where I was standing and he said ‘get away from the door’ so I moved up the stairs a little but enough where I could see downstairs, out the bay window and I knew what every one was doing. Lawrence kept saying it was taking too long and by this time I had begun to sweat and stomach cramps were flipping around. He said to have Okoye call 911 from his cell phone so Okoye called. And then, it was quiet. Miyagi stopped pacing. Even laid down at the windows. Lawrence said if they hadn’t shown up by 11:30 to call Kerry and have him come over. Soon as he said that, I seen a sheriff’s car come down the street with spotlights on.

I opened the door for the sheriff and was explaining to him what the guy was saying, how he was acting and he asked if I got a look at him so I went into description. As I’m describing him I had my eyes closed and even went into detail about his hair, to which I opened my eyes and the sheriff stopped me ‘did you open the door?’. Tears started to fall and I nodded and I could hear Lawrence saying ‘baby, …..’ The sheriff said ‘okay we’ll be back either way so lock up’. I locked the outside door and locked the inside door. Lawrence said to go through the house and check everything else so the boys and I went through checking doors and windows making sure they were locked. I told Lawrence I was good and that I would call him tomorrow to which he wanted to stay on the phone with me until they came back and I said it was okay. I really just wanted to get off the phone.

I grabbed my green blankie and a pillow and went to sleep in the living room, looking out the window and near the stairs so that I could hear anything that was going on downstairs. Miyagi plopped down beside the couch and the boys went and got into my bed. I watched the police cars going by…back and forth with their spotlights on and finally one stopped in front of the house. I got up to answer the door. When he said they couldn’t find anything I remembered the address the guy yelled out and I told the sheriff. He went back to the car and headed in that direction and the boys plopped down on the floor with Miyagi. We started talking about practices for the week, New Year’s Eve, and trying to plan a trip to KC to go shopping. Anything to take our minds off of what was going on. Finally, Jalil said ‘the cops are here’ and I jumped up to answer the door. The sheriff said that they picked him up, wandering down on the street that I gave him. He said ‘we have him in custody due to a medical/mental….well, we have him in custody.’ I said good and I thanked him and he said ‘ma’am….NEVER never open your door. Yes you have a big dog but why risk it’.

I wasn’t even thinking bravado like that. Point blank…I wasn’t thinking at all. It scares me how bad this could have turned out. Not only with me but my boys as well. Anything could have happened to me. To them. My twisted mind thinks about not only I could have been made to witness but what THEY could have been made to witness. Lord, PLEASE don’t let me be this stupid again.

*WTF....some idiot sent me an invitation to a website called The Booty Call...... I cant...I cant get my words together. Maybe that's better because right now I want to cuss him dafuq out.....

*Sometimes I wish I could just beat my kids. Really and truly beat them. Starve them. Give them only one pair of jeans, a shirt, underwear, I pair of socks, and tennis shoes to wear. Everyday. Day in and day out. The same shit. Just so that they could actually see how damn good they have it. They have NO clue. That is a resolution for this year. To give my children’s reality back to them. They are the most overpriviledged underpriviliged kids I know. They feel like their life is sooooooooooooooo freakin' bad yet they each have $300 TOTAL cash, clothes galore, new games, they got their xbox's and xbox 360's back, dvd players back...I know I'm forgetting something yet they want to argue with me about being bored driving in the freaking car!!! WTF??? Are they insane?! I was nearly in tears at how crazy it is.

* My car breaking down on Christmas Day....is NOT a good sign. Driving on the highway my power steering went out, then a few hundred feet later...my battery light came on...and then another few feet my thermostat went all the way to the other side, in the red. My first thought was the serpintine belt. The boys called Kerry, who came to get us, and I called Lawrence and he said he agreed ( Have I said how much I love him?) that it sounded like the serpintine belt and it should be okay to drive back to the house. So we parked and waited for Kerry and then he followed me home. Well today my dad worked on it and it wasnt the belt but a pulley but it is fixed for $20 instead of the $100 for the belt and the $3000 for labor. I exaggerate but not by much....

*Dare I jinx it and say how much I love having 70 degree weather THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS?!!!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAH BABY....

* I am officially 21! Yeah....my birthday was Saturday and truth be told, I dont really mind getting older. Birthday's dont phase me too much. I just tend to ignore them. Well, I ignore them on the outside. I like to consider my birthday My New Year and that is when I start thinking about what I want to do differently in regards to ME. I'm inspired to get back on my organization bandwagon, getting back on my strict diet, and cutting clutter out of my life, that includes people. I dislike classifying human's as clutter but just because its my clutter doesnt mean it has to be someone else's clutter. Hell, I'm probably someone else's clutter. And I'm okay with that.

* I leave you with....PICTURES OF COURSE! LOL....

Jalil isn't even excited about getting his 360 back.....LOL

Ava Rae's first Christmas....you cant tell it by this shot but the whole dining room table is covered COVERED with her Christmas presents....but what is she most interested in???? Yes, the bow's and the wrapping paper.....

My mother....*sigh*....I cant get that woman to just stand and take a picture......that's my daddy....


LOL...one day, she will hate me for this! But 'Mylie has her finger up her nose 90 freaking percent of the time! oh yeah....that's my brother......

siggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh*** yes the dog got a present.....wasntme....



Okoye and his model pose.... I'll be so glad when he gets his hair cut........his cap is covering the bush that is growing on his head. This just reminds me how much I like him with no hair......

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

I get a huge thrill when I go into a public restroom and my butt is the first one that’s sat on it since its been cleaned. I actually smile and giggle.
I love getting compliments but only in private.
I love to be loved but I have a hard time with physical affection.
I love the relationship that I have with my boys.
I love my home. It is DEFINETLY my refuge.
I love my camera but I sooooo want to upgrade next year.
I love my bed. Absolutely love it.
I love the words ‘hey u’. When said the right way by the right person…it has all the promise in the world.
I love it when someone gets my humor.
I love to give gifts when you don’t expect it.
I love cardstock.
I love paper, period. Scrapbooking, college ruled, notebooks, journals.
I love calenders. The possibilities are endless.
I love it when a man can accept that women MIGHT know a lil bit about cars, basketball and computers.
Ummmm I love lists.

A couple weeks back, Kerry asked what the kids were doing on the 21st. I said nothing besides the usual and it hit me that it was that time of year again. The Dinner.

Kerry’s wife has hosted a holiday dinner every year for the past 4 years. The boys always go. I think Kerry’s family is always invited but I think his mom has only came once. There’s never hatred but I always feel this twinge. This deep feeling of sadness. Why? I don’t know. The boys love to go. And I’m glad that when they come back home, they aren’t crying, angry or depressed. They genuinely have a good time. They play games like taboo, checkers, and Uno. They do computer games. Their only complaint is that they don’t get enough to eat so soon as they come home, they raid the kitchen.

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I am soooooooo glad this is a short week. We get Friday off so it will be a long 4 day weekend. And all I want from Santa is a lot of sleep. How bad is THAT? I have a birthday this weekend and that is all I can think about is where can I find a quiet corner to just curl up with my blankie and catch some z’s. No parties for me…just sleep. No dancing for me…just sleep. No alcoholic beverages….just sleep. No sexcapades….just…what EVER!! Ya’ll know better than that….
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So Beautiful

I've watched this video or and over again....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqLx7AdWnN4

Today was a good day...no...I'm not rapping...you really dont want me to give you my Ice Cube impersonation...But anywho, once I got the text that school was cancelled my mind had already went into 'I aint going nowhere mode'. Okoye, who normally does not get out of bed early for ANY reason got out of bed about 10...went out and made $30 shovelling 2 walkways. He came up with an idea to carry a bag of 'salt' with him. Now he's back in bed snoring away. Jalil is out shooting hoops. Him working...nah...that doesnt go hand and hand. He figures that if he wants something, hey lets just ask mama to get it.

Does anyone use Snapfish? My niece swears that she's order almost 200 pictures from them and only has paid shipping and handling because they keep giving her 50 free pictures here....20 free pictures there. I already belong to Shutterfly, which prints out at Target, Walmart on line and then every once and a blue moon I will print at home but not all the time. I just dont like the quality.

Miyagi is LOVIN snow....I tried to get some pictures of him in action. Just for the record, no he didnt roll a snowball. Its one of his tennis balls.

I really like this photo for some reason....ummmm its really a poison ivy vine that I SAY I like cause its so pretty during the summer but actually, I'm just to lazy to dig it up.

I've discoverd Tracyee .

I love her tips and all but I am someone who does NOT like to do much with my hair. I'm talking not even washing it. Yes, I pay someone else to do that. HEY...I dont want to hear it. You get your nails done. And you are over there....you get bikini wax's. And you over there...you have a shoe fetish. My point being....every woman has SOMETHING, atleast one thing that she does not think twice about shelling out the cash for. My laziness is one of those things. My arms get tired. It takes too long. Anyway....I love her tips but her tips begin from shampoo to actually cutting her own hair. No I will NEVER cut my own hair but everytime I visit her blog I get all hyped up on trying to take care of my hair. But then I start thinking about having to go out and by things to do all this for. So I end up just calling my stylist for a hair appointment.

Thank God...today went by without too much of a battle cry from me. For the most part of the day...I was a lil bit on edge but I got over it pretty damn quick. My kids know mama dont like to drive in bad weather so when I got to work my oldest had called my office phone. When I called him back he was at the bus stop, asking if I was good. I told him I was fine. When my baby called to tell me he was home from school this afternoon he told me to be careful on my way home. I've got great kids. Gotta give my thanks on that one. Or two.

I would just be so much happier if winter REALLY could be spent lazin' around the house...never having to drive in bad weather.....wearing pj's all the damn time and not worry about if that last cookie out of 10 is going to send my glucose sky high or add another double chin. Cant winter be absorbed into fall? Just have pretty leaves change color and then one morning...they are green again???

Why is it that this time of year turns me into this deep introspective person who wonders if this is it? Is there more to be done? I cant do any mor.? Am I happy? Why am I sad? I am blessed. I want so much. I want to be left alone. Why havent you called lately? Its not you. It is definetly YOUR problem. urgh....I hate it.

I want one of those count down counters on my blog. It will be the count down to the first day of spring. My own count down to sanity. My mom called me and said that one of my niece's was frozen inside of her car. I was like 'say what mama???' One of my niece's had went out to warm her car up so she could go get her boyfriend from work. It was about 5 in the morning. When she tried to get out of the car...the car lock had frozen or jammed. My niece called my mom who then called me. 'Mama...I'm not going out there when her brother is in the house!! Tell her to keep calling the house phone!!!! Dayum.' Okay, I didnt say dayum but I wanted too....But for real...does THAT make a bit of sense or am I just cranky?

* I feel sick today. My stomach has been rolling for a couple days. More and more I think its nerves. For some reason I just have been on edge lately. Bad weather is suppossed to hit tonight into tomorrow and I dont do bad weather very well. About 3 years ago I had a bad accident (during lunch, left work to go visit my niece in the hospital, it was raining, hydroplaned ran smack into the stone median between the highways, spun out a 360 to the other side, skidded along the guard rail and when I finally stopped spinning, a 18 wheeler was headed for me.) so me and weather and driving...dont mix.

* Okoye's tournament is over...all week, everyday except Tuesday, was a game. They had open gym today, nothing tomorrow and then a game on Tuesday. Jalil also had 2 games yesterday. After the first game, his coach pulled him to the side and was talking to him. He hadn't made any BAD mistakes during the game so I was on edge as to why he was being singled out like he was. He slapped him on the back and they started walking over to a group of high school coaches. When I seen the coach stop in front of them and Jalil shake hands with one, Kerry and I both stood up and started walking over to them.

*Jalil's schedule calls for a Speech class at the end of the year. When I called his counselor and expressed my concerns, thatI didnt want him to be taken out of the class...I know its going to do him a lot of good. But with Jalil, the more preparation he has, the better he does. So she took that and ran. PE is a requirement at school but since his 'folder' requires a little adaptation to it, they took him out of PE and 'developed' a class for him. Its main focus is language and its uses but its also about interactions. If Jalil knows you, he talks TOO DANG MUCH. If he doesnt, its like pulling teeth to hold a conversation with him. It has worked WONDERS. A couple teachers even called last week to remark on how he is participating more, asking questions, asking for help. Things he really needs to do to understand what is going on. It shows up even in his games.

*Did anyone see the moon on Friday? It was huge. Gorgeous. This was what I got riding down the street....No where near what I got on Friday morning. They other shots where before I walked into work...and yes....I was late.

* I always feel overwhelmed at Christmas time. From Thanksgiving until January 1st my life always seem's overly hectic. I love Thanksgiving. It's a time when all my sisters and my brother actually are together with all our chil'ren, no pressure, just...laughter and together. And then comes....the onslaught of Christmas. Christmas no longer JUST means gifts (I know I know I know that is NOT what Christmas is) but it also brings a schedule of horrific porportions with the beginning of basketball season. Between practices and games and shuttling lil Susie as well as my own chil'ren...mama is tiiiired..tyad' tyad.
* Speaking of games...Jalil had two games last weekend. Hard team. Down to 4.6 seconds left in the game it was 53 to 50 in the the other teams favor. Jalil's coach called a time out and I knew what he was going to do. Jalil's speciality is throwing up 3's. Time out ended and the kid did an inbound pass BUT not to Jalil...Jalil just went and posted up, the kid bounced passed it over to him Jalil swooped it up and smooth as silk...he made it! Can you guess who was screamin
THAT IS MYYYYYYYYYYYY BOY!!!. But not only was I screaming, the whole gym was screaming. It was a WONDERFUL momemnt for him BUT then he fouled someone from the other team, they went to the line and of course MADE ONE OF THE DAMN BASKETS...Lord forgive me for thinking harmfull thoughts on that child. It aint his fault.
* Tomorrow I should be back in my own cubicle at work. We are still installing new carpet so most of my coworkers and I have been pushed out to where on another floor that our department occupies. I will be sooooooooooooooooo happy to be back in my own space.
* I havent taken photos in awhile. Accept the embarrassement and humilation I may Miyagi go through with the reindeer antlers. You will be happy to know that although he obeyed the command to sit, and he let me put those things on him to take pictures....soon as I layed them down, he grabbed them and went to a corner to chew the hell out of them. Bless his little heart.
* And now its time to take Jalil to practice and then go pick Okoye up from his...

I'm sure one day I will pay for this....

I hope everyone had a blessed wonderful Thanksgiving. Full of family, friends, and lots of food. I have been off work for 4 days and it was HELL…HELL I tell you to roll my booty out of bed this morning to get ready for work. I think a new law should be that when you have been off work for at least 3 days that the next time you go into work, that day you only have to go in at 11 and then leave at 2 and it counts for a full 8 or 10 hour shift. Yeah…I need to get onto President Elect Obama for that one.
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Something has crawled up in my car and died. I have no clue where this funky smell is currently in my car. No, I haven’t cleaned it out to find out (I’m scarey like that) but I’m wishing that eventually it just ups and walks away on its own.
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I don’t drink very often but when I do…I drink hard. I do believe I have been drinking for 4 days strait. Lawrence thought for sure I would throw up at some point or at least have a hangover or headache but no. I’m a champ. He’s not used to that other side of me. I think he’s scared.
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I love Thanksgiving. Maybe more than Christmas. There’s usually more family around. Seems like more love is in the air. When I go back home, I run into some one who says ‘you haven’t changed A BIT!!!’ and I’m thinking ‘ummm yeah…I weighed 150 pounds in high school’ and then I’m trying to remember who the hell this person is hugging me in the gas station. But I love it. Christmas has gotten so commercial and every year, I make a vow that THIS YEAR will be different. That my kids will REALLY understand and feel the meaning of Christmas. I’ve started putting up decorations even though we probably wont have a tree (AGAIN) this year. But trust….you will know its Christmas.
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Things continuously broke on me this weekend. My curling iron went caput on me. I mean…smoke curling, hair sizzling, caput. And yes, after I seen it was smoking I still touched the damn thing to make sure. Yeah…whiskey is NOT my friend. Then we bought the movie Hancock. Could NOT get it to work so I returned it 5 times (not the same actual dvd…different ones). The last time, I do believe they thought I was crazy. I guess me saying through clenched teeth to the poor customer service girl ‘FIND A DVD PLAYER AND PUT IT IN THERE, NOWWWWWWWW!!’ didn’t help matters much. Again, boys and girls….whiskey is NOT my friend. Then I blew up my parents microwave. I’m still trying to figure that one out. I was reheating a plate of pie (gotta have it hot for the whipped cream), took it out to test it and it was fine so I closed the door and was just going to let the time run out. Took two steps away from the microwave when someone yelled and I turned and things were on and popping in the microwave. Burnt a hole in the side of it. Quess what Mom and Dad??? You all get a microwave for Christmas.
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Okoye has a game in Rolla Missouri tonight and Jalil has practice tonight. Urgh…this is when I wish the boys father didn’t work nights. I hate it when one of them don’t have at least one parent for an event. I’ve decided to stay in town to shuttle Jalil around and told Okoye and he was fine with it but why do I feel like a bad parent? I kept texting Okoye ‘R U sure?’ finally he was like ‘MOM!’ I guess apart of me wanted him to beg me to find away to the game….I’m sick and have issues. I know this. And knowing is half the battle.