I see this windmill everytime I go to my hometown.  I always snap pictures from a distance because its in the middle of someone private land, their farm.  On my birthday, I was going to have breakfast with my mom and dad and I dont know...SOMETHING got into me. 

I HAD to get up close and personal with this thing.

So I drove onto the land.  I drove for about a quarter of mile down a GRAVEL road and just parked.  There werent any shoulders to pull over on...no side streets to park and walk to .  Just...a drop off and then  grass and weeds.  I sat for a minute thinking...okay, YOU wanted to do this so aint sense in backing out now!'  so I got out.

I started thinking about how I would explain to my kids how I got shot in the ass.  My dad is pretty well known so I wondered if I would at least get to say  'I"m Lee's yongest daughter!!!  Dont shoot!.'  So with head down I walked right up to the windmill and started snapping.  Since I knew, I'd probably NEVER get my nerve to do this AGAIN anytime soon, I really focused on composition.  Lighting.  ISO.  I wanted it to be perfect.  And you know what..

ALL OF MY SHOTS STINK.  I mean REALLY bad shots.

I didnt realize how massive windmill's are up close so all my angles were wrong....it was washed out...the flare was NOT a good flare.  Just...it all sucked.  So I did some editing in Picasa and came up with this picture above.

I'm not giving up on my windmill though.  I will find another oppurtunity and I will get the shot I have in my mind.  I dont want it to be 'well I tried'.  Yes I did try and yes I did fail but that doesnt mean I dont try again. 

And that is what my 2013 will be about.

Evolve:

 

 

 

1.

a. To develop or achieve gradually: evolve a style of one's own.

b. To work (something) out; devise: "the schemes he evolved to line his purse" (S.J. Perelman).

2. Biology To develop (a characteristic) by evolutionary processes.

3. To give off; emit.

v.intr.

1. To undergo gradual change; develop: an amateur acting group that evolved into a theatrical company.

2. Biology To develop or arise through evolutionary processes.

This is my word for 2013....Evolve.

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An early birthday present for me.    It is a Li Bien ornament so...

LOVE....  and she went right on my Snoopy Christmas tree  ( I didnt put up the full tree this year.  I know I know...beat me a limp noodle).   Rather its been by design or by a God given  personality trait,  I tend to  get a lot of Christmas themed stuff for Christmas.  That is the 'design' part of it all....when you have a birthday close to a holiday, you tend to get gifts of that holiday.  Luckily...mine is near Christmas.  And then I have the secret part of my personality to like things dainty, feminine and colorful and that is where my God given personality trait comes into play.

Some friends and I went to dinner for my birthday and that in itself is HUGE for me.  I dont like a lot of attention and then with it being Christmas, people need their money for their families and friends for the holiday.  Crazy me forgot that I am considered family and friends to some people LOL.

Isnt it funny  how we do that?   Its okay and allowed to put more merit on others and their needs than ourselves...

I am taking a lot of time of for the holidays, something I just dont do so right now I"m going to tell you


To have a very Merry Christmas.
To have a blessed New Year
To love with all your heart
and to know that you are loved beyond your wildest dreams by a God that gave His only son for you.  No greater gift exists.

Missouri has had its first snow of the 2012-2013 winter season.   For us...it just tickled us a little bit and moved on.....

I dont know WHY I picced here to take some pictures of the snow.  I had a doctors appointment in the middle of ths storm, decided to go ahead and go to the doctor even though

I DO NOT DRIVE IN SNOW.

PERIOD.

AND SERIOUSLY.

but drive I did.  It wasnt snowing too bad...just windy.  So after,  I thought about this cemetary and decided to drive by.

I'm glad I did.



Children are precious to my heart.  I think this is true for most mothers.  As a mother... its like your heart opens up a little wider where children are concerned rather it be yours or someone else's.  I tend to go a little overboard and 'adopt' even my son's friends and if their mama wasnt around and I was...they had a mama to run, too.

The recent event in Connecticut leaves me deveastated.  I am shocked at how much.  I know that sound crazy to say that I'm shocked by it considering our entire NATION is grieving but ya'll...I sat in front of the TV for two days strait. 

 Life is suppossed to go on but how?

For some...life will never be the same.  And for them...my heart hurts.  I hurt for the 20 children who felt pain.  I hurt for the siblings of those 20 children.  I hurt for the parents, grandparents, aunts and uncle and surviving friends of those 20 children.  I grieve for the 7 adults that were taken from their spouses, signifant others, parents, children, aunts, uncles.  And I grieve for the man who acted on the thought that THIS was the answer.

My sweetie Jalil got his first job!   He is over the MOON.  I'm over the moon...well a little bit  :-)

He's growing up so fast.....How does 17 years fly in 2 years???   It seems like it he was just turning 13 and at that time...over the moon about being a teenager.

I worry.  I worry about EVERYTHING.   It comes from a lifetime of PREparing him for every little moment of his life. I've spent the last 11 years knowing what his next 3 steps were going to be so that he can manuever through life a little easier and now...as we all know when you have a job with the public, anything can happen.  Right now his excitement over 'growing up'  is taking over the knowledge that surprises will come up when you have a job but like always, I've got an on-going dialque going

"Just take deep breathe's"
"ASK questions."
"Write it down if you have too"
"PAY ATTENTION."
"Focus on what is being said"

These are prompts that hopefully, will be recorded in his mind and he will be able to replay as his day goes by.  Something for him to draw from when he gets overwhelmed.

The best part about it is, his older brother got him the job.  His older brother will be training him.  From the time I was pregnant with Jalil, Okoye had it in his  2 year old head that he was his brother's keeper.  He used to rub my stomach and talk to him in some sort of  language and then tap my belly, smile really big and walk away with this expression of 'okay, we got that strait.'   When I had Jalil, there was never a point of jealousy.  When Jalil went through a stage of having his own language, Okoye  understood him.  And when their father and I got divorced,  without prompting, he just stepped and decided crazily that he was Jalil's protector.  Their connection is a gift from God.  When Okoye was 16, he asked me why Jalil was 'different'.  Not because HE seen it but because someone else had asked him.  ( The anger and heartbreak from that is another post for another day). 

To him...he's just Jalil.  No different.  Just Jalil.

*I wasnt going to go into all this on this post.  I was just going to write the first two paragraphs but the rest just flowed.  I guess I had to get it out somewhere.

It has been soooooooo cold the past couple of days.  I know I know I know...it is almost winter time and I DO live in Mid Missouri so yes...it is SUPPOSSED to get cold  but ....brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


With that being said....the lake still draws me.  It tends to be colder by bodies of water but water has always calmed me down.  Been a balm for my soul....

Helped me take a deep breathe and evaluate my life.

and yesterday was no different.   The best thing about it being cold is that people tend to NOT go to the lake so its pretty quiet.  Except for the geese honking and splashing around...its was just me and the water waves.  Perfect solitude.

      “Autumn asks that we prepare for the future —that we be wise in the ways of garnering and keeping. But it also asks that we learn to let go—to acknowledge the beauty of sparseness.” ~Bonaro W. Overstreet

I actually got outside and snapped some pictures Saturday.  It felt good....I know this is probably very bland and blah but it took a lot of energy to concentrate so I could get aperature but it felt good to be 'back in the saddle' again.

 

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you

because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.

Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.”

 ― Roald Dahl

I wish I could say I'm THIS ready for Christmas...but I'm not.  I've had the flu so  not one present has been brought nor bow hung....I'm so on it this year   :-)