A little more pain....

Yeah....I dont know how my mother let me out of the house like this. I remember this...this was the year I told my mom I didnt like how she did my hair and she turned over the comb and brush to me. I think I was 12 years old...such a tomboy. I do believe that is a velour top. A top that I loved.

America's Next Top Model aint got nothing on me and my sister!!! Imtryna tell ya....what was going on with the long sleeve, possibly velour turtleneck with the haltertop...I couldnt tell you but I was FIERCE.

urgh....that awkward stage...I started having breast before my older sister did...urgh...i hated that time. Do ya see the damn plaid???? Do you see it! I swear. My sister had on blue jeans, why couldnt I? And dont get me started with the part down the middle with the two braids.

Senator Obama will be in Columbia on Thursday. I am so stooked yet so torn. Jalil's has basketball tryouts on that night. The gates open for the appearance at 7:30 and then it starts at 9:30. His tryouts are from 7-8:30. Columbia is about 30 mintues away...urgh!

I'm kinda getting into the whole voter support going on everywhere. Just a few close to me....



I guess Firefighters like Senator Obama too...

I'm also being inundatedwith Republican material. By mailI got something 3 times last week and then by phone. with the messages, I got the I guess robocalls. What is UP with that?

~~

I was mopping my floor when the doorbell rang. I had the inside door open with the outside door locked so when I came down the hall, I seen my best friend from high school standing there. I ran down the steps and let her in and we instantly went into that high school squeal ( yes I can be feminine sometimes). Even though I had all the dinning room chairs in the living room I pushed them out of the way and we sat down on the couch. Its funny I instantly went into that teenage thing of sitting Indian style. I havent sat Indian style since.....ummmm my kids were babies. And you know how long that has been. For about 6 hours we sat in the same spot talking catching up. Its been about 3 years since I seen her and even that time it was almost in passing.

She's going through some things. Serious issues. She said that when times get tough she remembers me doing silly stuff to get her through. That she remembers how my family supported her more than hers did. And that she felt like home was always around me. And that is why she stopped in. To feel at home.

I missed her. I didnt realize how much until I seen her. This woman knows some things about me that most would disown me for and she still searched me out to find me. To tell me that she loves me. And to tell me that no matter what, if we never seen each other again after yesterday, she just wanted me to know those things. I so pray for her peace.

We made a promise to keep in touch and I hope we do.

~~

This will only hurt for a lil bit...I swear.

This is all of us in KC....til this day my mom still loves plaids, polka dots and strips. YES, sometimes on the same shirt or a complete outfit. Its no wonder I only wear white, black and brown. Its my Mom's fault.

Umm yeah. Just sad.

Me and my Afro puff's..... I hated the puff's and I hated plaid. I hate corduroy more than I hated plaid but it seemed to be all my mother knew to dress us in. 'til this day...I. HATE. PLAID.

My hospital picture.

Why don’t people tell each other that there pants are unzipped? I mean TOTALLY unzipped. I mean, black slacks with white panties showing UNZIPPED. Geez. I wouldn’t have been mad if you stopped me and said 'hey...your fly is undone'. I would have welcomed it. Yes, I would still be embarrassed but that would have saved me the total embarrassment of having my panties showing to a lot of complete strangers.
~~
I am so loving sun rise. I am having a fatal attraction to the darkness with the hint of light, clouds disappearing, pinks and blues that have been in ours skies lately. I aint a pink girl but sometimes when I drive into work I feel like God planned that sun rise just for me. And He did, you know. We’re cool like that.
~~
If one more person asks what I’m dressing Miyagi up for Halloween….this is my answer: A dog who attacks upon command. I barely believed in wasting money on costume’s for my children WHY would I do that for my dog? I know…everyone does it. More power to you and keep on keeping on but when I say ‘ummm I’m not’ in response to that question, please do not keep saying ‘ohhhhhh why not!?!’ or ‘you have tooo!!’ or ‘he would be so cute as a cow!!!’ No. He wouldn’t.
~~
I have felt like crap physically for the past month and it finally hit me, duh! I’ve felt like crap because I have not been managing my diabetes at all. Yeah…I’ve been popping my pills but I haven’t been monitoring what I eat (me saying yeah…give me s’more of that does not constitute ‘monitoring’ what I eat) nor exercising. So I bought some more shoes and I am back to walking again and watching my carb intake. I’ve started testing my levels again (for some reason doing that makes me accountable for my carb intake. I think they came up with that for that reason alone) so soon…SOON I will be back on track.
~~
Went walking for my morning break and was on my elevator ride back to my office. A man gets on the elevator with these huge long duffel bags. I squelched my terror for the possibility of launch missiles (I watch entirely too much crime and military TV show’s) as he maneuvered himself around so as not to hit me. When he got situated, he gave a nervous laugh and said ‘whew…there! I’d hate to have to boink ya!’. I couldn’t stop myself and I bust out laughing in his face. I tried to smooth it over but he was pretty red in the face by the time he hurried off the elevator.
~~
I remember one summer being down in Arkansas at my grandfathers house. Morrilton, Arkansas. I can remember long car rides down to Arkansas with warm sandwiches, kool aid jugs (the kind people used to take fishing and you didn’t pour it into a cup, you just drank from the opening. Yeah, I said ‘drank’) and sweaty legs being pressed together in the back of our station wagon. Usually there would be a caravan going. My family,my aunts and uncles following behind us. We’d take the interstate down but once we started noticing gravel roads, we all knew we were almost there. Once we got there my mom and my aunts would start frying chicken while my dad, uncles and grandfather wouldn’t even bother moving towards the house before they would start drinking right by the cars. And we, the kids would take off. Lord…My grandfather didn’t even have indoor plumbing. My Uncle Chris’ favorite thing to do was to scare us. He’d wait ‘til one of us was using the out house and bang on it to literally scare us half to death. Even though he was our Uncle, we still yelled at him and chased him around with a stick for being so mean just like he was a kid. He was a kid so it was hard to put him into that ‘Uncle’ role. We all went to this Creek to play around and I remember him asking if we knew what Big Foot was. Of course most of us didn’t and he started telling us about the hairy huge half man. LOL it was so quiet. He had us all under his spell listening to his story, about 12 of us and we didn’t move, just sat around this creek. My brother was the first to say ‘Uncle Chris (even though Uncle Chris was 3 years older than him) stop scaring every one!’ and we all laughed and kept right on. Later on that night, all the kids were outside on the porch since it was hot inside the house (no AC, no window units, NOT EVEN A DAMN FAN!!) and that was were we would hang out until we went to sleep. Understand, this was the middle of nowhere, so there were no street lights, no dusk to dawn lighting…nothing. But we weren’t scared (God I miss those days). One of my cousins jumped up and said ‘there’s something over by the tree’s!!!’ We all sat still and watched and watched and then all of a sudden we all screamed at the same time. We seen this huge thing come out of the tree’s and go back. When the grown ups came outside we told them we seen Big Foot to which of course they didn’t believe us so they flashed the car lights over towards the tree’s. Nothing. My Uncle Curtis asked what’d we know about Big Foot anyway and we started telling them the the story that Uncle Chris had told us and all the grown ups started laughing at us. Said that Uncle Chris was just trying to scare us so they started yelling for him. Like he was in the tree’s. I will never forget my mother’s face when Uncle Chris came from inside the house. No one said anything for awhile and Uncle Chris kept asking what was going on. As far as I know, no one else has ever brought it up again. I miss my Uncle Chris.

Gotta love it.... just what I need today...

http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=93CPo0sBVZc&feature=related


http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk


http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=_OBlgSz8sSM&feature=related

The boys had been with their dad pretty much all weekend. My uncle passed Saturday morning so Kerry came and got them Saturday afternoon to give me time, time I had NO clue I really needed. No music. No tv. Lots of reading. Slept for hours. Didnt even get dressed (so relaxing at the time but today it sounds kinda gross).

This is one of the roads me and Miyagi walk...



Just a shot I like....I LOVE aperture settings.

Military helicopters....love them too.

My day, gave me a flashing warning sign, first thing this morning. My oldest son Okoye had already left to go meet his bus and I was walking down the stairs to our garage when the doorbell rang. Now understand…its 6:40 in the morning and YES I’m crabby so I flung the door open to see what brat was ringing my doorbell at 6 in dagotdamnmornin’. It would be MY oldest brat.

‘MOM! Lacey JUST woke up!!!

I stopped at the doorway of the garage and looked at him. Waiting for him to continue. He bugged his eyes at me and said ‘She’s going to miss the bus!!’

Now, understand that Okoye’s bus gets him about 7am, swings around and gets her about 7:10. AGAIN, its 6:40am. I bugged my eyes BACK at him (yes childish but hey, its 6:40 in dagotdamnmornin’) and I said ‘and???’ My child. My first born. He looked at me like I was stupid and said ‘can you take her to school!?’ And he was serious.

I said ‘you want me to be late for work (I’m always late but it’s the principal here) so that your girlfriend isn’t late for school?’ ‘MOM! She cant be late.’ I asked where her parents were to which he said at work but Moms works at Red Lobster and dad does construction about an hour and 15 minutes away so yeah, he might be gone but where the heck is Moms? I hold THAT comment back. I DID say ‘she’s got time to get ready’ because my thoughts are ‘get in the shower, clean the naughty bits, wash your hair, get out, brush your teeth, grab some clothes and slap your hair in a ponytail.’ There. Done by 7:08am. Enough time to go outside to the bus stop.

Makes sense doesn’t it?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kim started a ‘Mission Put Together’ for the month of October and I’m already at a slow start. She posted it on her blog in September so you would think that would have given me plenty of time to get prepared but ummmm no. It sounded really good so I wanted to do it but I wanted to clean my closet out first. Well, during the Debate last night, I did that. And out of a closet full of clothes, I only piled 5 shirts and one skirt away. It’s not that I have cute clothes that deserve to be kept but its because, you know, I might lose 5, 10, 15 or 20 pounds and be able to fit into them once again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I love peanuts and nuts but they make my teeth feel absolutely horrible! Even I think my mouth feels gross and that’s BAD when the feel of your own teeth make you shutter.
~

What the hell kind of bug is this?????

~

This is the craziness of our world…

I can’t tell if there is a video feed of the doll actually cooing but on the news this morning, there was. The reported stopped a couple people in a Walmart parking lot to listen to the doll and like one man said ‘I heard it THAT time, with your help’. Yeah…after someone says the doll coo’s the statement, your ears CAN hear ‘Islam is the light’. But dude…people read too much into things.
~

A friend of mine sent me these cute little plastic pockets of alcohol called Pocket Shots….In her little sampler it had rum, gin, and then something else. Not trying to be funny but I REALLY can't remember. I think you can get different varieties in different samplers. Those little suckers pack a punch. Cute idea but they pack a helluva punch. Don't take much for me but that's another blog for another day.

~
Jalil usually calls me to let me know when he’s home from school or over to someone’s house. This morning he told me that he was going over to someone’s house after school to play football in the back yard. (BACKTRACK: Jalil doesn’t play football but he’s been asked several times to play football on teams this year. About a month ago he decided that next year, he would go out for the school team so he’s been playing pretty regularly to prepare) He just called but the caller ID showed it was ‘HOME’ so I picked up and asked him why he didn’t go over to his friends house. He said that he was just going over to play football and I said yeah and he said ‘but its been raining! It will be muddy’. I don’t have the heart to break it too him that 90% of his games next year will be in the rain and/or mud.

Just a couple moon shots from tonight....

This video....hiliarious to me. I watched it 5 times....then again...I'm tired.

I want to go here this weekend but I'm suppossed to go to Kansas City to see my Uncle. We've went every year for the past 5 years. The first time we went, we went close to 3 in the afternoon and the girl was just like 'ummm okay like, when it starts to, like, get dark, our Haunted Halloween maze is in force.' I gave her the blinky eye stare and I said 'Haunted Halloween???' She gave this teenage girl giggle and said 'yeah..like, its really fun and people jump out at you and monsters can be in coffin's, or like hay bales' Again, I gave her the blinky eye stare. I said sweety, you better give us a map or something because soon as something jumps out of the corn...I'm swinging...' she laughed until she realized I wasnt laughing with her. said 'seriously, do you have walkie talkies or something....'The basis of this one is you have like check points where you have to answer trivia questions. Your answer can lead you down two or three paths. Answer the question wrong and you have to go back to that point and answer the trivia question correctly to get closer to the end (or out) of the maze. It is HUGE. (this year's looks like NO JOKE). The workers are all very nice. Almost too nice. They are entirely too perky for my good. I mean if I'm going to be LOST in a big azz corn maze for hours, I want someone to take it seriously.

Lincoln University's Homecoming Battle of the Band Pix's

A few of Lincoln Homecoming Parade Pix's...

Last weekend, my mom called and said that they were going to go to Kansas City to visit one of my Uncle’s. She said that they had gotten word that he wasn’t doing very well and that m y dad needed to come up there. He is my dad’s youngest sibling, youngest brother. Since he is only 10 years older than me, we grew up together. I was torn because it was Okoye’s first semi formal dance and (I hated to tell him no) going to see Unclie Chris. ‘Uncle Chrissie’s fine…..I’ll get up there soon…..’ that’s pretty much what I told myself.

I didn’t hear from my mom and dad Saturday night so I called them early on Sunday. My dad answered and was very vague. didn’t want to talk about his brother but he sure wanted to talk about how the grass was growing…unhuh….I know my dad. My dad is your stereotypical man. Feelings and emotions are best expressed through denial and yard work or some other type of labor. I chitchatted with him a minute longer and then I asked for my mom. Soon as she got on the phone, I asked her what was up.

My uncle has full blown AIDS. He’s lived with HIV for years. Hepatitis C for as long as I can remember AND he’s diabetic. When he found out about Hepatitis, I was still living at home and he wanted to come visit so Moms made sure I knew and I could act accordingly. I stayed druing the whole visit and Uncle Chrissie and I talked a lot.

He told me about the life he had lived. The life my father and all of them had lived. It hadn’t been easy and they made a lot of choices, most time bad choices, in order to survive. Growing up, I kinda knew most of this. I mean, I was taught at an early age that if someone asked if I was such and such’s niece or daughter, I better ask ’why you want to know’ before saying yes. So most of it was not knew to me but I could sense HE felt a need to tell his tale.
Fast forward to two years ago. Easter. He came to visit. My mind, even NOW just kind of shudders at the change in him. Very slight. Looked like a wind could knock him down. Tired. Worn out. It was hard to believe that he was only 10 years older than me. He looked like he was 80 instead of 45.But still , when it came time for pictures he would stand beside me and hug my shoulders sooooooooooo tight. Amazingly tight. At that visit, he told me a lot more. About his choices. And about talking to my son’s. and being real with them and their lives ahead of them.

I went to go see Uncle Chris today. On the way my mom said ‘I want you to remember this is not the uncle Chrissie you remember.’ I pooh-poohed her off. You know, I’m educated. Well read. I know what the dangers are and how the body shuts down…but nothing…NOTHING can prepare you for this.

I walked down the hall of the nursing home and I could hear some one moaning…very loud. So much pain. It was almost…the sound of an animal. As we got closer to my uncles room, the moans got louder and louder and when we turned into the room there my Uncle was. The have a ‘mattress’ that moves the body slightly, every now and again so that bed sores and such don’t set in. They were placing him on that and just the movement they were doing to his body for this soft inflateable almost gelly like mattress….caused him tremendous pain. And he was moaning. Once they got him settled into a position, he was still convulsing with pain. He had curled into a ball, with a pillow between his legs and his arm resting on the pillow as well. His gaze was fixed and his mouth struggled with the air he was trying to take in. I paused for a second and then marched right up to the bed like a soldier bent on finishing my tour of duty or something.

I walked up to him, grabbed his fingers and leaned down. I told him it was me and he gripped my hand tight and wouldn’t let go. The hospice nurse came in at that time and talked to us and the entire time, with his gaze fixed, not blinking I rubbed his hand. When I guess he couldn’t hold anymore, he let my hand go and I went and stood by the window and talked to the nurse’s or his case worker on a one on one basis.

After about an hour we prepared to leave and I was letting everyone get their hugs in before me. Finally I strolled over and grabbed his hand and I leaned over and said ‘uncle Chrissie….its Jak….I’m heading out’. he let out a loud painfull moan and grabbed my hand so tight. I told him to calm down and to relax but his whole body had tightened up and that in itself was causing him so much pain. The nurse came in on the other side and stroked his head and my mom came over behind me and stroked the other side of his head and promised him we would be back. He still clung onto me but he’s body was still stressed. Finally I said ‘uncle Chissie, I will be back’. his body went limp but he still held onto my hand. We sat like that for 20 minutes. Him with his fixed stare and me with tears falling.

I hate getting older simply because it seems like the older I get the more death is around me. Pain seems to always be lurking around every damn corner. I watched my dad the rest of the day and his shoulders had dropped quite a bit and I found myself feeling very protective of him. To the point of being very disrespectful of his brothers, and their wives. I grew up in a very respect orientated home. didn’t matter if my family member was strung out on drugs, living in a box or didn’t have a dime to his name… I still betta show them respect. So for me to say ‘you have forgotten that my father bought you a damn car and NEVER asked you to pay him one damn dime’ or ‘did he NOT just make your freakin’ mortgage payment last month??? Do NOT point any fingers at what he does or does NOT do.‘ welllllllllllllll…lets just say that I might not be sitting at the grown ups table at Thanksgiving. But everyone is expecting him to take care of everything. Yes, he is the oldest and that has been his job for YEARS. But its so hard to take care of everything all the time. It’s exhausting. It zapps your strength. And he’s not the healthiest man. This is second sibling in 7 month’s. The second time that everyone is looking to him to make sure everything is done and taken care of. But it worries me about who will be there and who will take care of him when he needs it..

And now... its time for Lincoln University's Homecoming this week. It started Sunday with a pep rally and fireworks....

Looks pretty packed, duddnt it....

NOPE...think again....so freaking empty. Its sad. This is a historically black college and at times it burns me how little support it gets...at least to me, it gets very little support. But that's another post.....

But the fireworks were really good.....

Their fireworks display was really good, albeit short. I took about 30 shots and only came up with these few good pictures (sounds like a tee-shirt duddnt it???). Ya'll know my issues with fireworks photos....

Jay Homecoming 2008 in a quick nutshell.....

Right when I get choked up that he is growing up.......




This girl is gorgeous....

A few of his friends...

My favorite shot...

He thinks he's Usher sometimes....

Dinner...dont worry...its Sparkling Grape Juice.

Pictures from Homecoming Parade......

Just thought this pre parade shot was cool...love the sunlight.


Have NO CLUE who these kids are...just the shine of the ummmm 'horn'...what the heck is that instrument called.....

This is what I say is a huge sticker on the side of a 18 wheeler truck. Someone else thought it was a 'blown' picture...nah...to me its a huge sticker stuck on the truck.

Thomas Jefferson Middle School is my youngest son's middle school.

'Nuff said.....

After the parade we went to LJS's for something to eat...the kids played Rock Paper Scissors and Thumb Wars...Yes, my oldest son and his girlfriend...ARE. MATCHING. urgh...

Tonight is the big dinner and dance....kill me now.....