I'm here....now what??

I went back and forth on doing this thing here and now that I'm here...I have NO clue what to write about...I'm a contridiction in ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so many ways...

I am a contradiction in so many ways...some think its cute, others think its irritating...even down right BS...that I ride the fence so to speak....

I hate it when I hear women refer to themsleves or their friends as a bitch, hoe, slut, whatever...but I love love love me some Tupac or certain rap music. I swear...I could have changed that man into a law abiding man.

I love love and all it entails and consumes yet, I will not admit or allow myself to love. at least not easily.its usually a feet set, kicking and screaming issue.

i am very independent yet when i am with someone, i love to take care of him, be there for him and do what i can for him.almost obsessive borderline stalking...

I love to be alone but i need people. at least certain people.

I believe that you need to stand up for YOU and what you believe in but if it conflicts with what i believe in...ummm okay, i hate to say it like this but...we will have to get around to your issues later...

I hate to cry but will make myself cry to get past an emotional constipation...

I love to handle my business without a mans help but I love a man to offer to treat me like the lady i am.

i think its a waste of money to have manicures and pedicures but i havent washed my own hair in about 5 years.

I stay on my boys to be independent and that they can do for themselves yet without thinking, tell them to give me their foot so i can tie their shoe string tighter.

I will tell my nieces that they dont need any man yet plan like mad to spend time with one

This is just the tip of the irrational iceberg we call me...which boils down to, i am illogical. i make NO sense what so ever. But to me..it all makes perfect sense. i keep telling myself that, everyone is like this but i'm begining to think, i'm in this boat all alone. its no wonder people, certain people shake their head, as they walk away.