QUESTION…Is anyone else having trouble with loading pictures here on Blogspot and not being able to move them around?

TROUBLED…Another friend is layed off. Makes me more thankful…makes me more mindful

LOVIN’…the song by Miley Cyrus….the Climb...dont ask me why...well you can but I honestly couldnt tell you why

SELF TALK…. I need to put on my Big Girl Panties

FLOATING....its a wonder I didnt get a ticket coming into work...the RADIO was playing some Hall & Oates and I was floating....

FASTING...I'm researching doing this...

SO GOOD...why do garden tomatoes taste so freakin' good??? Sliced with salt and pepper...but when I eat too much of them I get sores...NOT GOOD

Flies...are Satan's revenge

stay blessed....

This would be why I have trouble in relationships…



I’ve been raised that I can do what any man can do (and yes, sometimes better) so on Fathers Day, my dad, checking the spacing on my spark plugs, lost a spark plug behind the engine and was having trouble finding it. He asked me to help him. I really didn’t want to…I mean it was hot, I just did my nails that morning and it was hot. Did I say….it was hot???? yeah well, it was Father’s Day…and as much as my dad and I fight, it seemed to be something he wanted me to do so I went down to help him. This is how I grew up. Trailing after my dad, standing right beside him, handing him this and that, looking under hoods. He is a man that believes that a woman can do anything a man can do. She doesn’t HAVE to but if need be…she can. He is a man that believes a man needs a woman just like a woman needs a man. He is a man that believes that a woman CAN be just as strong as a man but shouldn’t have to be at all times. But…my dad is ol skool. He can two step with the best of them. Cooks breakfast and lunch for my mom. Showers my mom with stuffed animals, chocolates and whatever her hearts desire. But isn’t afraid to say ‘honey I need your help’. I’ve heard him say ‘honey can you help me’ or ‘honey, you were right’ or ‘honey what do you think about this’. He also cleans up pretty good if you ask me…

When my marriage ended my father took me out to dinner. We sat and talked while we ate. At one point we both were quiet, a very comfortable quietness but my father finally said I was stronger than I realized. I remember him saying that one line and I remember my tears just started rolling (not the poster child for strength, I know). That he raised a strong, smart, beautiful daughter, and one day I would not feel all this pain. That it would never completely go away but it would ease up and I would be better for it and I would be blessed.


I don’t know exactly what the blessing will be. Has it already came? How much longer do I have to wait? But I would think it would have to be in the form of having a partner who understands that even when I say ‘I can do it myself!!!’ what I really mean is that ‘yes I can do it myself but please help me.’ That when I’m onery and mean…its then that I am hurting the most. That when I’m stuck under a hood of a car and it looks like the car is swallowing me whole,

it means that I’m scared that I will never have what my parents have so I have to stay one up on everything. I am a contradiction in so many ways but if you look closely enough, you can read me like a open face large print book.

When I left my parents, my mom kissed my cheek and gave me my plates of food to take home to the boys and I went to find my dad, laying on the couch, the TV watching him snore, I kissed his cheek and he cocked one eye open and said ‘call me when you get home’. He snarled it at so I said okay and started for the door. When I opened the door, from behind me my dad said ‘I love you’. I smiled and without looking I said it back to him and walked out.

Yeah…someone has some big shoes to fill….

SO FREAKIN’ SLEEPY…. With being in a constant tense mode, rainy days and nights, our schedules being hella hectic and having games last night and not getting home until 10:30, I feel like I could sleep for days on in and still be tired. I’m sleepy and grouchy and I’m sure the other dwarfs are somewhere deep inside…

FLAT HAIR IS NEVER SEXY…this humidity brought on by the constant storm and rain showers is NOT doing my hair any justice. A mother of one of my sons friends gushed on how cute it was last night…she called it hip…a young style. I don’t handle compliments very well so of course I went into my shrill giggle and rambled about its all about the humidity, blah blah blah. When I realized she sat there blinking at me, I stopped and said thank you and moved on.

LOL….Okoye just called. They have conditioning at 6 in the morning. Usually they zap some sort of breakfast biscuit before they head out but we ran out of the huge industrial quantity ones so they went hungry. Okoye just called and said…

WE MIGHT BURN THE HOUSE DOWN!!!

Okay…NOT the thing to say to someone who has been displaced by a fire so I had to let that marinate for a second…anyway…they are cooking scrambled eggs and pancakes….I do believe they are using my wok to make the eggs…

MAKEUP…I go through this every year…we swim a lot during the summer months and I end up a shade or two darker than normal so when I do decide to wear make my foundation…I look like a makeup/fashion don’t. Seriously…it looks like I am joining the circus my makeup cakes up so bad

LISTENER SKILLS…I’m trying to listen more. No..not ease drop on conversations but be a better listener. Listen to what others have to say, not try to already figure out what they are going to say so that I can have MY opinion ready once they stop talking….try to realize when someone wants someone to listen and NOT solve any problems…

ELLEN IS THE BOMB…have you ever just wondered at how much Ellen gives away in a day??? I mean seriously…this woman gives gifts and cash away all the freakin’ time. I know she probably gets a deduction of some sort but still….you have to be a special kind of nice to give people stuff the way she does…

This post is rated MsTDBE*

*Moms Take a Deep Breathe and EEEEEEEExxxxxxxxxxxhale

Okay Okay okay...keep it together....he's still my baby....wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhewwwwwwwwwwwww....okay onto other birthday festivities....

On second thought...I need to breathe into a paper bag....

Okoye Makes Dinner Tonight....

He's cleaning the chicken before we flour it...ummmmm...




He's a lil bit grossed out by what is on chicken....slime plus some feathers does not equal delicious chicken...



'Grease' is a poppin' and he's worried about his perfect physique being burned....yeah

I was also frying some cabbage and doing some corn on the cob but cutting up the onions for the cabbage was too much for him...

Here he is tearing up....

Overall...dinner was good...cabbage was a little salty but we still ate it...

Good job son....

@ 6:33am, 16 years ago...I became a mommie....

No words can express how proud I am of the young man he is becoming. I cant wait to see the next 16 years..... Happy Birthday....

I want to find the person who made the decision that life is not always fair….I aint going into what I would do to them, I mean , say to them but let me tell you, it aint going to be pretty. I shouldn’t start this post out like this because overall…I’m in a pretty chipper mood. Things, for the most part are going very good and I feel very blessed. But sometimes life…ooooooooooweee…just kicks my azz and I feel like kickin’ back

My niece, Shanell, BKA Ava Rae’s mom, who is pregnant, had to go to the hospital about a month ago for bleeding. She started bleeding again so she went to the hospital and this time they admitted her. Last night I wanted to mention the notion that maybe she needed to think about permanent birth control. That maybe this is too hard on her body. On her system. Two miscarriages. One very hard pregnancy. But…it just didn’t seem like the right time. Is there a right time to bring things like this up? Should I even bring it up?

Urgh

On the other hand, a close friend, we will call her D, who lost a newborn baby girl 2 years ago and just recently miscarried is looking to adopt. D’s take on life is SOOOOOO much better than mine. It is 3 siblings, two boys and a girl. The kids have never been separated so the system didn’t want to start now so my friend and her husband agreed to start spending time with them. After about a month of weekends and loving them they are wanting to become certified for foster parents and then adoption. The thing about it is the little girl has the same name as D’s baby girl that she lost. D looks at it as maybe she was meant to be brought into this little girls life, her brother’s lives to make it better. That God had it planned from day one. And if this was His plan…than so be it. All she prays for is His guidance.

All it takes is the faith of a mustard seed….

Sometimes I get the distinctive feeling that I am not meant to be in a relationship. To myself, I know I love being in committed relationships. I loved being married. I love love and not just the being ‘in love’ part. I love the idea of growing old together. Depending on someone and knowing that he’s got my back even when I act tough and act like I don’t want nobody to get my back. But outwardly…to other people….

I do not give off that vibe. I give off a ‘I can do without you’ vibe. Its bad when I can tell it. Its bad when I’m looking into someone’s eyes and I can tell they have that feeling. That feeling that I could care less if they were around or not when inside I might be screaming ‘CANT YOU SEE THROUGH THE BULLSHIT???’

Hey, folks, I’ve never NEVER said I was sane….