Love Thursday.....


when Jalil was in the 1st grade..i had to take him to the doctor. since his regular doctor was out we had to see whomever was on call. The doctor on call walked in shook my hand, introduced herself, took out a tongue depressor and told Jalil to open up. Never talked to him. Never acknowledged him. Nothing. Just 'can you say awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww'.

Jalil did not take well with strangers. close family members he was cool with but he had entered into a stage of not talking to people he did not know well. in school he talked to the teacher but not in class. in public he talked to close family members but when someone he didnt know well, family or friend came into the picture...he talked in his own language. which usually seemed like gibberish

So when this...person....came at him like this...he shut down.....




i watched her. i watched her beg. i watched her try to cajole. i watched her try to bribe. all to get him to open his mouth. he wouldnt. finally, i said 'LilLil....open your mouth... like this...and say awwwwwwwwwwww' . he promptly did it. she sat there for a quick second and then preceded with the exam....

at the end of the exam, LilLil was on the table playing quietly with his action hero's, she turned to me and asked if we had had him tested for autism. i stared and then asked 'excuse me'...she said it again and I asked 'why'. She proceeded to tell me that based on his actions and behaviors he feel into classifications for autism. And that we could began medication as soon as possible...well...needless to say... it was not pretty. i read her up one side and down the other...Which she came back at me with...'most parents are in denial'.....

before you ask...yes she is still alive.

i explained to her that no, I was not in denial but how in the hell was she going to diagnose a child when she didnt even know his name? when she had only seen him for the first time 20 minutes ago? when she hadnt even read his chart enough to realize that the scarring on his skin was eczema and not from what she said were 'injuries'?

I was a little heated...

but i was NOT in denial...

I made an appointment with his regular doctor to which once we seen him he mentioned that he had seen SOME of the signs in Jalil but he would set something up so we could talk to a psychologist, then a child psychologist and blah blabh blah..

I went to see his teacher. cried. hard. and long. why? I still ask myself that question after all these years...she called the principal in. we talked. she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and she began to cry. after a minute she made some phone calls and got it set up for the school district to pay for his testing over at a hospital not far from us (that there is supposed to be a secret so shhhhh).

the testing was hard...so very hard on my baby. he was exhausted. i was exhausted. and all he wanted was chicken nuggets. like that would make the world a better place and if that was what he felt would make the world a better place than dammit i was going to give it too him on a silver platter..

a few weeks later my husband (ex now) and I sat in a room with about 5 doctors. and listened. listened to them argue over if he was or wasnt autistic. we would look back and forth back and forth. '
he doesnt like human contact'.
.'well only from those he does not know'.
'he is sensitve to how others feel' '
doesnt make eye contact'
'affectionate'
'needs repetition'....

urgh

i think i could have slapped ever last one of them. well except one of them.

it was inconclusive...

(a few years later, he was tested again and was diagnosed with not being classified but being under the umbrella of autism plus he had language disabilities)

but one doctor pulled us aside and started talking to us about behavior modification. no medicine. behavior modification.



from that day on...i was proactive in every moment of his educational life. I got classroom syllabus at the beginning of the year (the more prepared he was the better he did so before things were introduced in the class I was introducing them at home or at least tried to), I had a direct line of communication with all teachers and the principal, teachers developed curriculum to help him in the class so as not to take him out of the class, he would sit in front of the class, etc....it was all...so exhausting. for him... because he learned, early on, that he had to be present and aware in every class. anytime he missed a day...it put him further behind...which put him out of his 'normal'. and if he was out of his normal...he shut down.

at an early age, his older brother Okoye became his third biggest protector. wherever Okoye went, jalil got to come. and if someone said Jalil could not come for some reason or another...Okoye didnt go but eventually everyone knew that they were a package deal. They would fight with each other HARD but no one better even think about saying anything or against Jalil to Okoye. it was almost scary how they were. when Jalil would start talking in his own little language, okoye knew exactly what he was talking about. okoye would answer...Jalil would respond. their bond goes beyond a sibling love

for me...it was simply my love i felt for my child. my baby. my heart. we do those things as mothers. their lives...their needs...their wants some how become ours. it becomes second nature to us almost to the point we can lose where we begin and they end. but we dont care because of the reasons we gave birth. it's all about the love...





he's been through a lot and he's such a hard worker. he loves hard. feels deep emotions and has an uncanny way of reading people... he never stops...never...and i admire him so much for that. at an early age he did what a lot of adults have yet to do...he realized his limitations, met them head on and even when things are rough...he keeps trying. it might be wrong or he might not get it right away but he keeps trying. he keeps trying his hardest and he does his very best...

and i love him for that...









my baby, the new high-schooler...

******this all came out kinda jumbled and probably does not make since but it is Love Thursday and all I could think about was the love I feel for this little boy, okay YOUNG MAN right here. He can work my nerves like nobodies business but in the same token he can look across a room at me and grin that grin of his and I instantly forget what it is i'm upset about. I just had to talk about it. Oh and these were photo's from his middle school graduation. the medal he has on is for not missing a day of school from the 6th grade until the 8th grade. AND the girl in the photo's, that is his...gulp...girlfriend. I so am not ready for this....***************