Well folks, the House of Jakki has been rocked…AGAIN. My oldest and his girlfriend of two years broke up this week. It has been an emotional rollercoaster for all of us. Him. Me. His father. His brother. My mother. My nieces. His aunts….just a rollercoaster.
My heart hurts. Like most mothers…my boys are an extension of me. When they are happy, I am ecstatic. When they are angry, I am angry. When they are sick, I feel the blahs. And when they are hurting….Lawd…look out.
With them, my boys, I have no problem showing them any kind of physical or verbal affection but now, its even more so. If he’s sitting at the table doing homework I can’t help but walk up behind him and rub his head. If he’s laying on the couch (I’m telling ya’ll…I have the most therapeutic couch IN THE WORLD) I will walk buy and rub his hairy leg. If he’s watching TV in his room I cant help but ask ‘you okay?’. I cant stop. I want to know what he’s thinking…how he feels. I find myself being overbearing and I don’t know where THIS mother is coming from. I’m trying to stay out of it as much as possible but last night we were all in my bed watching Criminal Minds (yes, our family time can sometimes revolve around murder and capturing criminals) and all of a sudden he said ‘if we get back together how will you be with her’ Without looking at him I said ‘I will treat her as a person who has hurt my son’. Which, I’m taking it, that wasn’t the right thing to say because then we had a 2 hour discussion on it.
I worry about sounding monotone…robotic…like I don’t care. I worry that I’m teaching him to ignore your feelings …push them down and just get over it. The day they broke up, while he was sobbing, he asked if he could skip work. I left it up to him BUT I said ‘Life goes on. You don’t curl up and die when something bad happens. You push through. You can come home AFTER work and we can curl up in my bed and talk, cry, laugh…all of that but right now…Life goes on’. he got into the shower and when he came out, he was dressed for work.
One thing…one thing that even now brings tears to my eyes, is that he is a prayer. A BIG prayer. Not just a walking through your day and you say “Lord help me through this!’ No…he’s a get on his knees, head bowed prayer (he’s also started doing the sign of the cross after he prayers and I don’t know WHERE he seen it to start doing it so I’m trying to find out if there is a ‘issue’ with him doing it) and doesn’t care who knows it or whose around. He hasn’t stopped that. I have an idea what his prayer’s are about but at least he’s not blaming God for anything. I know I did for a long time.
4 comments:
My goodness Jakki I know whereof you speak though I'm not there yet. I can't bear to think of their first heartbreak. You are doing the right thing being there for him. Always be the calming presence...he will be grateful for it when there is a storm in his world. Besides, he's so good looking, the ONE girl will be so lucky to have him:)
He's a good kid...thanks Puna!
well, that was a great way to end your post... encouraging to know he turns to God in such times. i hope he always does.
your love as a mother is so evident. he is blessed to have that kind of support while he goes through this. i remember my parents always being there during break-ups. it's just what they do. even in the difficult times in my marriage, my parents have been there and lending support. never prying. just letting us know they care and are on their knees every night for us. there is no greater gift a parent can give.
glad you found solace in my post today. thank you for stopping by.
You wrote this so well it was if I could reach out and touch your emotions. Wow! I'm praying that you find the right balance, the right words, at just the right time.
Peace.
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