i'm having trouble posting...anyone else?

if this post...of course its all my fault and its operator error but I have been trying to post for 3 days now...

:-/

i'm really tired lately...i hate that. seems like all i want to do is sleep. dont let me sit down for a minute to watch tv and not have my hands doing some sort of activity because I will fall strait to sleep...

speaking of TV...my bedroom tv blew out the other day. really last week sometime. i know i need to replace it but right now..i'm not in any real hurry. i also would rather spend my money on a new camera instead of a new tv....

speaking of camera...i was really flattered when someone asked the make and model of my camera...she wanted her pictures to come out like mine....how sweet is that...

speaking of sweet...have i said how sweet my boys are??? too each other??? well they are...they are very sweet. jalil had to go and cut someone's yard tonight. it was one of Okoye's old yards that he used to do before he got his real J O B. It was a HUGE yard....Okoye went up to make sure Jalil was taking care of his 'client' but ended up finishing up the yard because Jalil's back had started to spasm out....AND DIDNT WANT PART OF THE MONEY...

speaking of money...i wish i had money to do what I wanted when I wanted and why I wanted....I dont want to be rich...just be able to do when the doing wants to be done....

speaking of done....I am so done with drama...Drama...do you hear that...I do not want anything to do with you...do you think it will listen???

speaking of listening...thanks for listening to my rant and rambling! Have a wonderful night and a good tomorrow...

muah.....

my oldest son, Okoye and my great niece Ava Rae... I love their relationship....

several years ago....jalil and i were riding somewhere. i was listening to a Kirk Franklin CD...or rather the CD was playing and since it wasnt one of my favorite selections...I really was paying attention to it. I knew something was happening and I knew their was sound but at the time...I couldnt tell you what it was. Jalil quietly said...'that is really mean'. Still...only paying HALF attention to the world around me, I asked what he was talking about and he said 'those people...on the song'. Still had no clue.

several days later the same situation happened.

now understand...when jalil communicates, he communicates with the first half of the conversation already being played out in his head. it takes a minute but most times I have to find out exactly where we are going with our conversations

i asked him 'Jalil...I dont understand...WHAT is mean'...Looking out the window he said 'the people who beat up Jesus'.

i drove awhile longer still trying to piece it all together in my head until he hit the rewind button....on the Interlude before the song Dont Cry was an enactment of Jesus walking through the city before they crucified him. Its quick...maybe 3 minutes long, if that... but once I heard it...I knew Jalil was right. And then I listened to it AGAIN...hearing it from Jalil's perspective (as that of a child...a child who has language and comprehension issues, been tested twice for autism but loves God like nobodies business) and then I cried. I cried like a baby the entire way to wherever we were going. I cried later on that night. I even feel tears NOW.

sometimes I get a little jaded and my relationship with God is not what I want and need it to be. I can quote a scripture. I can say a little something something when it comes to the Bible ( thank you Ms. Maupin's from Sunday School all those years). And I can try to explain faith but sometimes...I slip a lil bit off track. So that is my wish for this Easter Weekend...that everyone's relationship with God is renewed...or born, even. But if we come to Him as that of a child ...just imagine what can happen...

happy Easter! muah...

just living life instead of marking days off of my calender

i really needed this weekend. dont get me wrong...I love being the mom that is always there for my kids and sometimes other people's kids...I love being the dependable daugther for whatever my parents need....I love being the one to talk too for friends and siblings...

but every once in awhile...I SO love being Jakki.

sometimes i feel bad about that

sometimes :-)

my grandmother passed away in 1996...today is her birthday. Both days...tend to be hard on me. Her name was Genevieve Tempe Crum...she hated her name so she called herself Jackie. All of us...my brother and sisters...called her TeeTee... She was a strong, beautiful, stubborn woman. Which wasnt the norm back in the day...I do believe she paid the price in more ways than KNOWN.... I remember she loved my grandfather with a passion but that did not stop her from standing up to him and telling him her mind. I remember tender sweet family moments but I also remember arguing, raised voices. And door slamming. Lots of door slamming. but i never for a second doubted that they didnt love each other and that everything would be okay the next morning. and it was she just didnt...'know her place' AND PLEASE UNDERSTAND...THAT IS SAID IN SARCASM...HEAVY LADEN SARCASM but she believed her place was wherever she needed or wanted it too be. rather at home making us breakfast or getting a job as a 'domestic' to make ends meet. i remember going with her to these huge homes...to spend the day with her while she cleaned...did laundry...whatever was needed. and i remember her saying 'its all work...its all work.' Was she saying that to me...or to herself. either way....i know what she meant. you do what you have to do. and that is what i do